Calling All People Who Are the Opposite of Me

You know who you are. Your name may rhyme with Vanessa, Shannon, Kara or Mia. You have a place for everything and you keep your home running with well oiled systems. You meal plan, you use crock pots, you read "Real Simple."

I'm not very good at asking for help. I'm not sure I know anyone who is but I'm going to bite the bullet and ask for help. And I'm going to see if the "help" can't come in one day or two and it be kind of fun because we're all together and making fun of how I ever survived these last 34 (gasp) years.

So who is in?

I'm thinking we (me and everyone who has gifts/talents that I don't and who needs a project) meet at my house and we start with some before pictures. Then you give me some good ideas of how to get organized, you give me ideas for systems and storage. We sit down and you teach me the art of meal planning (not freezer cooking--meal planning) and then we drink some wine. Then you either stay and help me get organized or you go home and wait for me to post pictures online or we drink some more wine. Or mix margaritas. If your name rhymes with Karen or Cary and you need help just as bad as I do then you can come over and mix the drinks and and drink with us and kick yourself because you didn't think of this first.

I'm a genius.

Who is in?

What Will Happen If You Don't Read This Blog

Back before we went all Little House on the Prairie and got rid of our TV I watched a fair amount of cable news. One thing I think cable news is very good at is fear mongering. You know, scaring the holy living crap out of you so that you'll vote a certain way, spend a certain way, travel a certain way or finally stop wearing banana clips in your hair.

I'm not going to try and scare you with tactics. I'm simply going to tell you the simple truth and then let your conscience be your guide. If you don't start getting A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE reading this blog so that I start bringing in a little money I'm going to have to get a job.

Gasp.

I know, tell me about it.

Please don't ask me technical details like how many more people do I need to visit this site a day or how much do I get paid per visit or anything like that because I simply don't know. No really, I don't have any idea. And I know that I have a contract lying around here somewhere that most likely explains all of that but I just don't know where. Its probably right next to the carrot seeds that I lost. I can tell you where it isn't. It isn't in the filing cabinet that Shannon bought me, made files for, and spent hours organizing paperwork for. Nope, not in there.

Over dinner when I was explaining to Jeff that I needed to increase my "blog traffic" and he asked "from how many to how many" and I told him "from not a lot to a lot" and he nearly choked on his food. He gave me that look like what-do-you-mean-you-don't-know and I just smiled. You see, all that administrative stuff just gets lost on me.

So that brings me back to the reason for this post: if you and a whole lot of other people don't start dropping by a whole lot more I'm going to have to get a real job. And just so you know, I won't even put sweet little Samuel and Emily in daycare. No, I will just find a pack of wolves to raise them so think on that a little bit. If me having to get a job doesn't make you feel guilty enough to read this blog everyday than maybe my precious, adorable, innocent children being raised by a pack of savage dogs will.

So come on over to my little blog spot. Let's say once or twice a day. And tell a friend. Or 30. And tell those 30 friends to tell 30 friends. And for crying out loud, if you are some big bloggity blog blog big deal and rolling in the money you are making off your blog then please throw a girl a bone and tell me your secret. Or give me a shout out on your blog. Or stop rolling in that money and come on over and clean my house.

Selling My Soul

So you may have noticed something new... and I hope you know I say that nearly choking on the tongue in my cheek because yeah, hello, you'd have to be blind not to notice. I know its a little much but you'll get used to it and like I said before, the content of this blog won't change and there's no way I will start pandering to big corporations (Pixar: my son's room is an homage to your movies. We heart you. Send us to Disneyland.).

So while the content of this blog will not change; I will continue to be irreverent, shocking, honest and true to my beliefs...I think the title of the blog needs to change. You see, when I started this blog it was pretty much for my Mom. And Bug. And my in laws (you have only visited this site ONE time and don't even care one red cent that I'm a famous blogger) and so "All Things Henderson" was an appropriate title but now I really don't post for them (this will devastate my mother) and I'm not so sure that title fits anymore.

So that's where you come in. After all, it is YOU o' gracious readers who I do write for and so I'm opening it up for suggestions and ideas. And again, if I go with your title I'm giving away a $5 gift card to Starbucks. In case you're wondering, I will keep the http address the same so you won't have to change anything--only the title will change.

Next up: (I'm sorry if this is starting to sound a lot like homework) my "contract" (doesn't that sound awesome) states I need to be posting at least twice a week. Normally that isn't a problem but occasionally I hit a week like this week where my ideas all sound stupid and everything I write sounds boring and un-funny and I can't come up with a blog topic to save my life. So while you're throwing out title ideas why don't you throw out some writing prompts too. If you don't know what a writing prompt is, the following examples are for you: "My favorite room in the house is..." or "Here's how I spent my time in college..." or "I bribe my kids with...". You get it. Just some little prompt to get my brain and fingers working and to make "the man" happy with fresh posts. Make them funny, sentimental, spiritual, whatever...I'll use them when I need some unclogging and I'll give you a shout out when I do.

If you don't have a commenting profile yet (which is so lame, why don't you just get on board and become a follower of this blog and get a profile) you can leave a comment under "Anonymous" but be sure and write your name so you get credit and possibly a coffee card! You can also email or facebook your ideas to me. See, don't I make it easy for you?

Changes

As you probably guessed, public recognition is really not my thing. I cringe at the thought of being the center of attention and I would never dream of self-promoting myself so you can imagine my horror when I was contacted by a certain blogging network (yes, contacted BY THEM) to begin advertising on my blog. And for the record, it is pronounced hy-per-bull-y not hyper-bowl.

So yes, changes will be a comin' soon as you begin to see ads from Lord-knows-who all over this blog. Now don't worry, I'm not going to go pandering to just anyone (I love you,Target). I have dignity (Pick me, Walmart) and pride (We eat a lot of you, Kraft Foods) and if you think I'm going to just sell my soul (sure I'll drive a Buick) to big name corporations (my kids love cereal, Kelloggs) for a few bucks then you are wrong. I will not sell my soul. Well at least not right away. I don't want to look desperate. And Mama Della always told me I should say "no" the first time so I don't come across pathetic. Ok, so she never said that to me but she's been DYING for a shout out and I was beginning to feel bad for her.

Blogging Sensei Amber advertises for this certain blogging network and says the money isn't that great but I'm not sure how low Amber is willing to stoop in order to make a buck so I don't know how accurate she is or how much I can trust her assessment on the cash flow. As we know from The Shrink, my self-esteem is in the toilet and comedic self-loathing and self-deprecating is my expertise so I may be able to make a fortune.