Praying for Your Kids Monday
Salvation
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Jeff and I have been praying the same prayer for almost 4 years: that God would call Samuel to Him at an early age. Tonight, God answered our prayer and called Samuel to Him. Tonight, on February 7th, Samuel asked Jesus to be his Savior and to live in his heart!
For once, I'm speechless.
So we will continue to pray for Emily's salvation (and if you read Friday's post you know she needs it) and now we'll pray for Samuel to have a huge filling of the Holy Spirit and for him to have an early understanding and discernment of his spiritual gifts. (Tonight when I explained that the Holy Spirit now lived with him and would guide him he got the biggest smile on his face. I know he only understands a portion of what he did tonight but it is just amazing to think about the eternal consequences...).
So anyway...this week we are going to be praying for our kids' salvation. If your kids already know Jesus then pray this prayer for a neighbor or relative or maybe turn it in to a prayer of thanksgiving.
Lord, I am amazed that You gave Your only Son for ____________. I pray that she will come to know You at an early age. I pray You will draw her to You and that she will have a longing to follow You. Thank You for calling us, for loving us, for dying for us. You are a relentless Redeemer and I praise You. Amen.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Working Title: Floors Being the Common Theme Here
Because "A Series of Unfortunate Events" Was Already Taken
I had given a clear warning of what was going to happen on Friday morning last night. And yet my children still decided to act like 2 and 4 year olds and ruin all the fun.
It started by them letting me sleep in. Yes, you heard that right. They let me sleep in. Jeff snuck off to work (lucky dog) sometime around 7ish. Samuel was up so Jeff put a video on and gave him a cereal bar. I was unaware of all of this, (because I was in the middle of a weird dream about losing my chap stick in a hospital cafeteria) as Jeff left for work, Samuel got bored and decided to let Mama sleep in. Now I know that sounds sweet but almost-4 year olds aren't sweet. They don't know how to put another person's needs first. They are sneaky and clever and coupled with a mother who can sleep through Disney World that is a dangerous, dangerous combination.
So Samuel got bored, came upstairs, shut my bedroom door, went and woke his sister up and down the stairs they went. For the record, I am just putting this all together from clues left for me because I was STILL SLEEPING and don't know any of it for a fact.
Some time around 8:15 I woke up with the refreshed feeling of I-can't-believe-the-kids-slept-so-late. I rolled over to see my door was shut and immediately panic rose in my chest. I crept down the stairs, frightened of what I would see. I rounded the corner in to the family room to see my kids happily eating cereal bars and watching Tinker Bell. Awwwww.
I got them some fruit, yogurt and water. I turned the video off and told them I was going to watch a "Mama show" with ear buds in and that they could play with the couch cushions. Its a small price to pay for an uninterrupted 47 minutes with Chief Shepherd and I was willing to pay it.
I snuggled down in my favorite chair with the kids in eye shot and got lost in my favorite hospital drama. With only a few minutes remaining Emily ran by and instantly a rank odor pierced my senses. It went up through my nose and penetrated my core. I recoiled and like any good mother said, "Roo, as soon as this is over I will change that wretched diaper".
Only seconds later Samuel tattled from the bathroom around the corner, "Mama, Emily took her diaper off". I paused Derek's meaningful speech to his staff and put Ruby down on the chair. I walked in to the bathroom; the air had turned a putrid green from the stench and fumes were wafting out. Emily was standing there with her pajamas around her ankles, her holocausted diaper lying in a child-thrown heap next to her with an enormous smile on her face. "Hallelujah" I said under my breath, thankful that she had done it in the bathroom and not on the carpeted floor. I turned my back to grab the wipes when she slithered past me like a stealth bomb; she traveled like an invisible dark angel the 3 feet to the carpet where she laid herself down and spread her legs awaiting a wipe all while spreading poop on my light beige carpet with her crap-covered hiney.
Sighing, I cleaned her up and sent her on her way. As I walked in to the kitchen to get the spot cleaner I saw what they had been up to while I watched Grey's in my McDreamy induced coma...they had spread animal crackers all over the kitchen floor. I vaguely remembered Samuel asking me if they could get some and me grunting "yes, just a few". Surprisingly, I wasn't angered as I knew I couldn't expect too much from them as I had just been ignoring them for the last 45 minutes and that it was somewhat my fault. I began putting my full attention and elbow grease in to the butt shaped poop stain before me. I was just starting to see an improvement when I heard Samuel say, "Mama, Emily just pee'd on the floor".
Seriously.
I had left her diaper off of her thinking that as soon as I got this stain up I would just go give them a bubble bath. They didn't have one last night and its a great time killer on a Friday when there isn't anything to do but wait for Daddy to get home so the weekend can start.
I got up from the stain and walked in to the kitchen. Urine soaked animal crackers danced around Emily's wet feet. She stood, smiling, with a remnant of pee trickling down her calf, onto her ankle and ultimately to the pool below her.
Sighing, I tip toed through the urine, crackers, and urine crackers and grabbed the naked toddler before me. Somehow I had the wherewith all to grab the dishtowel hanging over the sink and put it down on the carpet as a sort of arbitrary protector from Emily's sodden feet.
I formulated a plan, I would clean up the crackers and pee with paper towels, then mop, then sweep and then mop again. Samuel asked if he could get naked too so that he and Emily could do the "naked dance", a ritualistic, tribal bedtime routine our kids perform every night. I said yes, basically to get them out of my hair so I could go to task on the floors before me.
I started getting my mop water ready, the mix of Pine-sol and urine began to gag me so I opened the family room window for fresh air. The ground was soggy from the Oregon rain but the sun was shining and the temperature was climbing despite that it wasn't even 10 o'clock yet. Samuel and Emily were happily doing the naked dance, oblivious to the fire storm of annoyance brewing in my heart threatening to bubble over on to them.
As I finished the floor I realized I had done it backwards and now was on the other side of the floor from them. They were dancing in the family room and I was on the side of the dining room. The damp kitchen floor separated us and I exhorted, "Stay in that room. The floor is wet and I don't want you to slip".
The freshly mopped floor separating us felt like a beautiful mataphoric chasm. I took a deep breath and wished for an escape. Just for today. Just for today, I thought, I don't want to be a Mommy. I just want to go away and be Jeff's lover. I want to listen to music while we drive to the beach. I want to eat at Mo's and then walk on the beach. I don't want to just "get away"... I literally don't want Samuel and Emily to exist today. Just for today.
I love being a Mommy. I adore my kids. BUT, just for today if I could totally escape, I would. I began to formulate a blog post all about my day dream and thought about how you would all comment on how you have those days too and how you just loved the post and... a symphony of screams broke my reverie.
The shrieking was coming from outside. My mind raced and questions rose as I ran from the living room, over the still-wet floor to the family room. As quickly as it registered in my brain what had happened I saw the screen from the window I had opened earlier hanging by a bent frame, the bottom pushed out. I leapt up on to the couch and peered down out the bare window (about a 4 foot fall) to see my naked children lying in a tangled heap, bruised, covered in bark dust and howling like they had been drug behind a speeding '87 Chevy.
Pausing for a split second to wonder if I should grab the camera, (relax, I didn't) I rushed out the sliding glass door to their sides. They were fine. Pissed but fine.
I ushered them inside the house trying not to notice the enormous trail of bark dust they were leaving on the carpet. I soothed them as I calmly and sympathetically said we were finally going to head upstairs to take the long awaited bath I had promised 23 years ago. The both were lurching from the fright, pain and shock when the totally unbelievable happened. Yes, they both simultaneously wiped out on the wet kitchen floor. Their screeching reached deafening levels and I wondered if everyone in our neighborhood couldn't hear the chorus of chaos chiming loudly from the open window they had just fallen from.
So there you have it. The most unbelievable but true story of how things went utterly wrong in my world this morning.
I have since given them a bath, given them tylenol, fed them, put them down for naps, cleaned the house, got them up from naps and am now feeding them again. They are having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
This is where our story ends because I AM NOT KIDDING YOU, Emily just got up from the little kid table in the kitchen, pulled her bread apart and stuck a piece to my kitchen floor. She is smiling. She is the source of all evil.
Seriously.
Because "A Series of Unfortunate Events" Was Already Taken
I had given a clear warning of what was going to happen on Friday morning last night. And yet my children still decided to act like 2 and 4 year olds and ruin all the fun.
It started by them letting me sleep in. Yes, you heard that right. They let me sleep in. Jeff snuck off to work (lucky dog) sometime around 7ish. Samuel was up so Jeff put a video on and gave him a cereal bar. I was unaware of all of this, (because I was in the middle of a weird dream about losing my chap stick in a hospital cafeteria) as Jeff left for work, Samuel got bored and decided to let Mama sleep in. Now I know that sounds sweet but almost-4 year olds aren't sweet. They don't know how to put another person's needs first. They are sneaky and clever and coupled with a mother who can sleep through Disney World that is a dangerous, dangerous combination.
So Samuel got bored, came upstairs, shut my bedroom door, went and woke his sister up and down the stairs they went. For the record, I am just putting this all together from clues left for me because I was STILL SLEEPING and don't know any of it for a fact.
Some time around 8:15 I woke up with the refreshed feeling of I-can't-believe-the-kids-slept-so-late. I rolled over to see my door was shut and immediately panic rose in my chest. I crept down the stairs, frightened of what I would see. I rounded the corner in to the family room to see my kids happily eating cereal bars and watching Tinker Bell. Awwwww.
I got them some fruit, yogurt and water. I turned the video off and told them I was going to watch a "Mama show" with ear buds in and that they could play with the couch cushions. Its a small price to pay for an uninterrupted 47 minutes with Chief Shepherd and I was willing to pay it.
I snuggled down in my favorite chair with the kids in eye shot and got lost in my favorite hospital drama. With only a few minutes remaining Emily ran by and instantly a rank odor pierced my senses. It went up through my nose and penetrated my core. I recoiled and like any good mother said, "Roo, as soon as this is over I will change that wretched diaper".
Only seconds later Samuel tattled from the bathroom around the corner, "Mama, Emily took her diaper off". I paused Derek's meaningful speech to his staff and put Ruby down on the chair. I walked in to the bathroom; the air had turned a putrid green from the stench and fumes were wafting out. Emily was standing there with her pajamas around her ankles, her holocausted diaper lying in a child-thrown heap next to her with an enormous smile on her face. "Hallelujah" I said under my breath, thankful that she had done it in the bathroom and not on the carpeted floor. I turned my back to grab the wipes when she slithered past me like a stealth bomb; she traveled like an invisible dark angel the 3 feet to the carpet where she laid herself down and spread her legs awaiting a wipe all while spreading poop on my light beige carpet with her crap-covered hiney.
Sighing, I cleaned her up and sent her on her way. As I walked in to the kitchen to get the spot cleaner I saw what they had been up to while I watched Grey's in my McDreamy induced coma...they had spread animal crackers all over the kitchen floor. I vaguely remembered Samuel asking me if they could get some and me grunting "yes, just a few". Surprisingly, I wasn't angered as I knew I couldn't expect too much from them as I had just been ignoring them for the last 45 minutes and that it was somewhat my fault. I began putting my full attention and elbow grease in to the butt shaped poop stain before me. I was just starting to see an improvement when I heard Samuel say, "Mama, Emily just pee'd on the floor".
Seriously.
I had left her diaper off of her thinking that as soon as I got this stain up I would just go give them a bubble bath. They didn't have one last night and its a great time killer on a Friday when there isn't anything to do but wait for Daddy to get home so the weekend can start.
I got up from the stain and walked in to the kitchen. Urine soaked animal crackers danced around Emily's wet feet. She stood, smiling, with a remnant of pee trickling down her calf, onto her ankle and ultimately to the pool below her.
Sighing, I tip toed through the urine, crackers, and urine crackers and grabbed the naked toddler before me. Somehow I had the wherewith all to grab the dishtowel hanging over the sink and put it down on the carpet as a sort of arbitrary protector from Emily's sodden feet.
I formulated a plan, I would clean up the crackers and pee with paper towels, then mop, then sweep and then mop again. Samuel asked if he could get naked too so that he and Emily could do the "naked dance", a ritualistic, tribal bedtime routine our kids perform every night. I said yes, basically to get them out of my hair so I could go to task on the floors before me.
I started getting my mop water ready, the mix of Pine-sol and urine began to gag me so I opened the family room window for fresh air. The ground was soggy from the Oregon rain but the sun was shining and the temperature was climbing despite that it wasn't even 10 o'clock yet. Samuel and Emily were happily doing the naked dance, oblivious to the fire storm of annoyance brewing in my heart threatening to bubble over on to them.
As I finished the floor I realized I had done it backwards and now was on the other side of the floor from them. They were dancing in the family room and I was on the side of the dining room. The damp kitchen floor separated us and I exhorted, "Stay in that room. The floor is wet and I don't want you to slip".
The freshly mopped floor separating us felt like a beautiful mataphoric chasm. I took a deep breath and wished for an escape. Just for today. Just for today, I thought, I don't want to be a Mommy. I just want to go away and be Jeff's lover. I want to listen to music while we drive to the beach. I want to eat at Mo's and then walk on the beach. I don't want to just "get away"... I literally don't want Samuel and Emily to exist today. Just for today.
I love being a Mommy. I adore my kids. BUT, just for today if I could totally escape, I would. I began to formulate a blog post all about my day dream and thought about how you would all comment on how you have those days too and how you just loved the post and... a symphony of screams broke my reverie.
The shrieking was coming from outside. My mind raced and questions rose as I ran from the living room, over the still-wet floor to the family room. As quickly as it registered in my brain what had happened I saw the screen from the window I had opened earlier hanging by a bent frame, the bottom pushed out. I leapt up on to the couch and peered down out the bare window (about a 4 foot fall) to see my naked children lying in a tangled heap, bruised, covered in bark dust and howling like they had been drug behind a speeding '87 Chevy.
Pausing for a split second to wonder if I should grab the camera, (relax, I didn't) I rushed out the sliding glass door to their sides. They were fine. Pissed but fine.
I ushered them inside the house trying not to notice the enormous trail of bark dust they were leaving on the carpet. I soothed them as I calmly and sympathetically said we were finally going to head upstairs to take the long awaited bath I had promised 23 years ago. The both were lurching from the fright, pain and shock when the totally unbelievable happened. Yes, they both simultaneously wiped out on the wet kitchen floor. Their screeching reached deafening levels and I wondered if everyone in our neighborhood couldn't hear the chorus of chaos chiming loudly from the open window they had just fallen from.
So there you have it. The most unbelievable but true story of how things went utterly wrong in my world this morning.
I have since given them a bath, given them tylenol, fed them, put them down for naps, cleaned the house, got them up from naps and am now feeding them again. They are having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
This is where our story ends because I AM NOT KIDDING YOU, Emily just got up from the little kid table in the kitchen, pulled her bread apart and stuck a piece to my kitchen floor. She is smiling. She is the source of all evil.
Seriously.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
How do bloggers write everyday? I am just amazed. Every now and then I will hit a streak and blog like wildfire but lately I just haven't been in the mood. I know, right? I like to read my own stuff more than anyone but here I am just...silent. I think it is because I've been journaling. But enough of that on to more frivolous things like, wahoo...there is a new Grey's Anatomy tonight! You know what that means: don't call me in the morning because I will not be taking your phone calls. I will be letting my children eat animal crackers for breakfast and jumping on couch cushions while I sit in the other room with ear buds in and watch Mer and Der on Ruby. Oh I do love me some Mer and Der on Ruby. I just watched the preview at abc.com and McDreamy looks soooo good in a tie under his white coat.
Emily's 2nd birthday is this month. What do you get a 2 year old who echoes and mimics everything her older brother does. I'm not sure what she is in to. Does that make me a bad mom? Samuel really like Mickey Mouse at 2; Emily seems to be in to Tinkerbell but its hard to tell. Any suggestions?
Emily's 2nd birthday is this month. What do you get a 2 year old who echoes and mimics everything her older brother does. I'm not sure what she is in to. Does that make me a bad mom? Samuel really like Mickey Mouse at 2; Emily seems to be in to Tinkerbell but its hard to tell. Any suggestions?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Praying For Your Kids Monday
Integrity
I'm not gonna lie friends...I was crawling in to bed when I remembered I hadn't written PYKM for this week. I had thought about it earlier in the evening but got caught up in other things and now its sniffing 11:00 and I'm trying to be more disciplined about not staying up too late and I'm tired and this sentence is a run-on now but all of this to say is I need to go to bed so I'm just going to put a quick thought and a prayer down. You have homework this week: find a good scripture to correlate with our topic and leave it in the comments for others to ponder and memorize.
This week we are praying for our children's integrity. Our retreat speaker last weekend defined integrity as what you say and do on the outside matching up with what you believe on the inside. Isn't that wonderfully simplified?
I've thought about this a lot this week; I long to be a godly model to Samuel and Emily of integrity but as with all things, they need the Holy Spirit's help, guidance and outpouring. It is never too early to pray for kids to have integrity!
Lord, I thank You that You listen to my prayers whether they are eloquent or whispered in a sleepy daze. Thank You for loving _________ so much that You are already working in her heart to grow her to be a woman who longs after You. I pray that as she grows she will have the desire to live her life true to what she believes; I bless her with integrity. I bless her with courage. Thank You for __________. Amen.
Integrity
I'm not gonna lie friends...I was crawling in to bed when I remembered I hadn't written PYKM for this week. I had thought about it earlier in the evening but got caught up in other things and now its sniffing 11:00 and I'm trying to be more disciplined about not staying up too late and I'm tired and this sentence is a run-on now but all of this to say is I need to go to bed so I'm just going to put a quick thought and a prayer down. You have homework this week: find a good scripture to correlate with our topic and leave it in the comments for others to ponder and memorize.
This week we are praying for our children's integrity. Our retreat speaker last weekend defined integrity as what you say and do on the outside matching up with what you believe on the inside. Isn't that wonderfully simplified?
I've thought about this a lot this week; I long to be a godly model to Samuel and Emily of integrity but as with all things, they need the Holy Spirit's help, guidance and outpouring. It is never too early to pray for kids to have integrity!
Lord, I thank You that You listen to my prayers whether they are eloquent or whispered in a sleepy daze. Thank You for loving _________ so much that You are already working in her heart to grow her to be a woman who longs after You. I pray that as she grows she will have the desire to live her life true to what she believes; I bless her with integrity. I bless her with courage. Thank You for __________. Amen.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Am I Being Too Honest?
Yep, still talking retreat stuff. Yep, still processing retreat stuff. Yep, still using my blog as a journal. If you’re looking for a funny story about parenting or poop or dinner prep come back in a week or so, I’m sure I’ll have something for ya. If you’re looking for a juicy diary entry then here you go.
This morning I was processing some retreat stuff with my sisters in Council; they all went to retreat also and so at our monthly meeting we spent some time debriefing. The time was especially meaningful for me because I have felt a little stuck in how to move what I learned, what I felt, things I heard God say from “retreat” into daily life. You know, how do I make the applicable things apply?
We spent some time praying in 3’s and as I prayed I felt this wave come over me of “a-ha”. I recognized it as “a-ha” because I had felt the same thing earlier in the week. Soon I heard myself confessing that I had been praying (over the last 6 months) for God to show my blind spots not so that I could become more like Him but so I would be more “likeable”.
Here’s the deal with me: I desperately want you to like me. I will say just about anything (or bite my tongue until it bleeds) so that you like me. In fact, I spend so much time trying to figure out what you want from me and how I can please you that I don’t cultivate true friendship and authenticity because I’m basically just trying to be who you want me to be.
I’m not sure where this desperation to please others comes from, and for the time being I’m ok not knowing, for now I have enough on my plate and am simply undone by the fact that I’m not sure exactly who I am if I’m not trying to please you.
I am aware of my gifts and talents but I’m not sure how to use them to glorify God instead of glorifying myself. The conundrum of course being if I bring glory to God and not myself will you still notice me? Will you still like me? Will you shower me with praise or will you give it to God, the One who ultimately deserves it?
After I got home from my meeting, God and I had a little talk. Actually, God did the talking and I just listened. He said something like this, “You are broken. I know it. You know it. People around you know it. You want to fix yourself so those around you won’t think you’re broken. I want to fix you because I want you to be more like Me. The glue you’re using to put your pieces back together…yeah, its not working. Its old glue. Its watered down glue. Its meant to cover up, not heal. You want your glue to dry clear so that no one ever knew you were broken, My glue won’t dry clear. Mine will leave marks and those marks will reflect My glory. Those marks will remind those around you that I use broken vessels all the time, in fact, I prefer them. Your glue is your glue. It is designed by you, made by you, and applied by you. My glue is made by Me; it IS Me. My glue is made up of Truth, healing, hope, rest…blood. My Son’s blood. Your glue is made up of selfish ambition and self-serving righteousness. Your glue is made up of fear and insecurity. Your glue won’t last. My glue is eternal.”
God probably would have talked to me all day but I was all Holy-Cow-God-is-Talking-To-Me-I-Gotta-Go-Tell-The-Internet-About-It and started writing this post…however, I feel God doing a little bit of work in my heart and mind about this people pleasing business I’m in to and also some stuff on standards so I’ll see where that goes.
To close these wickedly honest thoughts, I’ll write about how amazingly relentless our Father is. When I started praying for blind spots I had good intentions. I didn’t know at the time my intentions were rooted in selfish motive, pride and insecurity. God did. Yet He still has been uncovering them to me. Lovingly, slowly, never more than I can handle at one time, He’s been showing them to me. Now, ironically, He’s showing me a blind spot is how or rather why I prayed for blind spots and changing even that in me. God is relentless in His love for us. God is relentless in fulfilling His promise to complete a good work in us. God is relentless.
Yep, still talking retreat stuff. Yep, still processing retreat stuff. Yep, still using my blog as a journal. If you’re looking for a funny story about parenting or poop or dinner prep come back in a week or so, I’m sure I’ll have something for ya. If you’re looking for a juicy diary entry then here you go.
This morning I was processing some retreat stuff with my sisters in Council; they all went to retreat also and so at our monthly meeting we spent some time debriefing. The time was especially meaningful for me because I have felt a little stuck in how to move what I learned, what I felt, things I heard God say from “retreat” into daily life. You know, how do I make the applicable things apply?
We spent some time praying in 3’s and as I prayed I felt this wave come over me of “a-ha”. I recognized it as “a-ha” because I had felt the same thing earlier in the week. Soon I heard myself confessing that I had been praying (over the last 6 months) for God to show my blind spots not so that I could become more like Him but so I would be more “likeable”.
Here’s the deal with me: I desperately want you to like me. I will say just about anything (or bite my tongue until it bleeds) so that you like me. In fact, I spend so much time trying to figure out what you want from me and how I can please you that I don’t cultivate true friendship and authenticity because I’m basically just trying to be who you want me to be.
I’m not sure where this desperation to please others comes from, and for the time being I’m ok not knowing, for now I have enough on my plate and am simply undone by the fact that I’m not sure exactly who I am if I’m not trying to please you.
I am aware of my gifts and talents but I’m not sure how to use them to glorify God instead of glorifying myself. The conundrum of course being if I bring glory to God and not myself will you still notice me? Will you still like me? Will you shower me with praise or will you give it to God, the One who ultimately deserves it?
After I got home from my meeting, God and I had a little talk. Actually, God did the talking and I just listened. He said something like this, “You are broken. I know it. You know it. People around you know it. You want to fix yourself so those around you won’t think you’re broken. I want to fix you because I want you to be more like Me. The glue you’re using to put your pieces back together…yeah, its not working. Its old glue. Its watered down glue. Its meant to cover up, not heal. You want your glue to dry clear so that no one ever knew you were broken, My glue won’t dry clear. Mine will leave marks and those marks will reflect My glory. Those marks will remind those around you that I use broken vessels all the time, in fact, I prefer them. Your glue is your glue. It is designed by you, made by you, and applied by you. My glue is made by Me; it IS Me. My glue is made up of Truth, healing, hope, rest…blood. My Son’s blood. Your glue is made up of selfish ambition and self-serving righteousness. Your glue is made up of fear and insecurity. Your glue won’t last. My glue is eternal.”
God probably would have talked to me all day but I was all Holy-Cow-God-is-Talking-To-Me-I-Gotta-Go-Tell-The-Internet-About-It and started writing this post…however, I feel God doing a little bit of work in my heart and mind about this people pleasing business I’m in to and also some stuff on standards so I’ll see where that goes.
To close these wickedly honest thoughts, I’ll write about how amazingly relentless our Father is. When I started praying for blind spots I had good intentions. I didn’t know at the time my intentions were rooted in selfish motive, pride and insecurity. God did. Yet He still has been uncovering them to me. Lovingly, slowly, never more than I can handle at one time, He’s been showing them to me. Now, ironically, He’s showing me a blind spot is how or rather why I prayed for blind spots and changing even that in me. God is relentless in His love for us. God is relentless in fulfilling His promise to complete a good work in us. God is relentless.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
My A-Ha Moment
You don't have to know me very long to know I am not the sharpest tack in the box. It takes a long time for things to sink in and so when I have a surplus of information to process and work through (like what I was given this weekend at retreat) I tend to withdraw a little in to myself and think it through. Hence, its been a little quiet over at ATH. I've been doin' me some thinking.
If I were to start writing about all the stuff going through my head it would go on for pages and pages and at the end of it you would be like, "huh"? So I'm going to just keep thinking and praying through it and instead write about something on a little smaller scale that I learned this weekend.
I was asked to do a drama on Friday night. I was thrilled and honored. I had done it last year but it was funny drama; this year it was to be serious so I was a little nervous about it. Despite my nerves, God gave me a great piece. I wrote it, rehearsed it, fretted over it and ultimately performed it in front of 300 ladies. Woohoo. Thank you God for getting me through it!
The next night at dinner I had to give up my seat with my besties for a woman who didn't have a seat. I roamed around the dining hall and found a table of gracious ladies who said I could sit with them. During the course of the conversations one of the women said she had enjoyed my drama but that it made her feel old. She said So and So had always done the retreat dramas and now she saw that the "more younger" people were being used. While that statement isn't entirely accurate I did understand what she meant.
Later that evening our retreat keynote speaker was talking about seasons of life and how she used to play the piano and help lead worship at our church for a season. She commented how hard it was when God called her and her husband elsewhere and she had to "give up that seat" to someone else.
Of course I took these two, unrelated statements and applied them to my life. I began feeling old even before I was old. I began feeling like before I even knew it I would be called to shelve my talents and attend retreats as an onlooker instead of a participant. I felt so gloomy at the thought; I wouldn't even let rationale play a part in my thoughts that I had lots of years ahead of me to be in ministry, to use my talents, to have fun serving. Nope. All doom and gloom for Jen the Awfulizer.
As soon as I realized the thoughts I was having my self-talk quickly turned to, "You are such a glory slut. Do you do anything for the Kingdom or is it all about you?" The enemy was having a great time with my tendency for self-condemning thoughts.
It wasn't until yesterday when I was driving in the car that I heard a song that spoke Truth to me. God often speaks to me through music; for some reason it just resonates with me. Anyway...the Nicole Nordeman song was on the playlist, "Legacy".
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering.
A child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name.
I want to leave a legacy.
The lyrics flooded my heart; I felt that wonderful peace that goes beyond knowledge and realized what you've been screaming at me from the other side of the computer, "Its not about me".
Its not about my talents. Its not about my love of ministry. Its not about my love of accolades or even my pure intentions. It is about pointing to Christ. If in the end all I'm remembered for was being funny, or being talented, or being a good speaker then it will have been in vain. God made me who I am not to bring glory to myself, but to bring glory to Him.
I suppose its not so much a revelation at it is a reminder of the obvious. Nonetheless, it has helped to refocus my purpose and hopefully, align my intentions, work and desires with His.
You don't have to know me very long to know I am not the sharpest tack in the box. It takes a long time for things to sink in and so when I have a surplus of information to process and work through (like what I was given this weekend at retreat) I tend to withdraw a little in to myself and think it through. Hence, its been a little quiet over at ATH. I've been doin' me some thinking.
If I were to start writing about all the stuff going through my head it would go on for pages and pages and at the end of it you would be like, "huh"? So I'm going to just keep thinking and praying through it and instead write about something on a little smaller scale that I learned this weekend.
I was asked to do a drama on Friday night. I was thrilled and honored. I had done it last year but it was funny drama; this year it was to be serious so I was a little nervous about it. Despite my nerves, God gave me a great piece. I wrote it, rehearsed it, fretted over it and ultimately performed it in front of 300 ladies. Woohoo. Thank you God for getting me through it!
The next night at dinner I had to give up my seat with my besties for a woman who didn't have a seat. I roamed around the dining hall and found a table of gracious ladies who said I could sit with them. During the course of the conversations one of the women said she had enjoyed my drama but that it made her feel old. She said So and So had always done the retreat dramas and now she saw that the "more younger" people were being used. While that statement isn't entirely accurate I did understand what she meant.
Later that evening our retreat keynote speaker was talking about seasons of life and how she used to play the piano and help lead worship at our church for a season. She commented how hard it was when God called her and her husband elsewhere and she had to "give up that seat" to someone else.
Of course I took these two, unrelated statements and applied them to my life. I began feeling old even before I was old. I began feeling like before I even knew it I would be called to shelve my talents and attend retreats as an onlooker instead of a participant. I felt so gloomy at the thought; I wouldn't even let rationale play a part in my thoughts that I had lots of years ahead of me to be in ministry, to use my talents, to have fun serving. Nope. All doom and gloom for Jen the Awfulizer.
As soon as I realized the thoughts I was having my self-talk quickly turned to, "You are such a glory slut. Do you do anything for the Kingdom or is it all about you?" The enemy was having a great time with my tendency for self-condemning thoughts.
It wasn't until yesterday when I was driving in the car that I heard a song that spoke Truth to me. God often speaks to me through music; for some reason it just resonates with me. Anyway...the Nicole Nordeman song was on the playlist, "Legacy".
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering.
A child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name.
I want to leave a legacy.
The lyrics flooded my heart; I felt that wonderful peace that goes beyond knowledge and realized what you've been screaming at me from the other side of the computer, "Its not about me".
Its not about my talents. Its not about my love of ministry. Its not about my love of accolades or even my pure intentions. It is about pointing to Christ. If in the end all I'm remembered for was being funny, or being talented, or being a good speaker then it will have been in vain. God made me who I am not to bring glory to myself, but to bring glory to Him.
I suppose its not so much a revelation at it is a reminder of the obvious. Nonetheless, it has helped to refocus my purpose and hopefully, align my intentions, work and desires with His.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Praying for Your Kids Monday
I spent the weekend at Cannon Beach at my church's women's retreat. It was awe.some. Seriously awesome. I hope to write about it but I'm not gonna lie...there is is so much information, feelings, encounters rolling in my head I'm not sure I can write about it. I need to process. In a big way. I prefer blogging to journaling so maybe you'll get all of it (like more than you want) or maybe you won't get any. We'll see.
Anyway, something that came up a lot this weekend was image management of our children in order to control the way others think about us. I am soooooo guilty of this.
Jeremiah 1:5 tells us that God knew our children long before we did; He knew them in our womb. He knew them before the beginning of time. He has designed them with purpose; He has plans for them. Why do I spend so much time trying to make them in to who I want them to be when the Great Creator already has a plan for them? Simple answer: because I'm a control freak even though I am the first person to tell you I am not a control freak.
My controlling comes from pure intentions (well except for the part that I want them to be "good" so that you will like me more). I want to control so they will be happy. I want to control so they will be successful. I want to control so they will avoid pain. I want to control because I love them.
I learned a whole lot of stuff this weekend that explains why this is all messed up, despite having a foundation of good intent, but for today's purpose lets just say its messed up because GOD, their CREATOR has designed them for purposes I can't even begin to fathom.
O Great Creator, You have made ___________ with purpose. I confess that I too often desire to control who _________ is becoming so that I look good or to protect him. I confess I don't ask You what __________ is made to do but instead take wild guesses. Please show me _________'s bent; please show me how to pray exactly for him so that he will grow to be the man You designed him to be. I pray that You will bring glory to Yourself through the person he is becoming. Amen.
I spent the weekend at Cannon Beach at my church's women's retreat. It was awe.some. Seriously awesome. I hope to write about it but I'm not gonna lie...there is is so much information, feelings, encounters rolling in my head I'm not sure I can write about it. I need to process. In a big way. I prefer blogging to journaling so maybe you'll get all of it (like more than you want) or maybe you won't get any. We'll see.
Anyway, something that came up a lot this weekend was image management of our children in order to control the way others think about us. I am soooooo guilty of this.
Jeremiah 1:5 tells us that God knew our children long before we did; He knew them in our womb. He knew them before the beginning of time. He has designed them with purpose; He has plans for them. Why do I spend so much time trying to make them in to who I want them to be when the Great Creator already has a plan for them? Simple answer: because I'm a control freak even though I am the first person to tell you I am not a control freak.
My controlling comes from pure intentions (well except for the part that I want them to be "good" so that you will like me more). I want to control so they will be happy. I want to control so they will be successful. I want to control so they will avoid pain. I want to control because I love them.
I learned a whole lot of stuff this weekend that explains why this is all messed up, despite having a foundation of good intent, but for today's purpose lets just say its messed up because GOD, their CREATOR has designed them for purposes I can't even begin to fathom.
O Great Creator, You have made ___________ with purpose. I confess that I too often desire to control who _________ is becoming so that I look good or to protect him. I confess I don't ask You what __________ is made to do but instead take wild guesses. Please show me _________'s bent; please show me how to pray exactly for him so that he will grow to be the man You designed him to be. I pray that You will bring glory to Yourself through the person he is becoming. Amen.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
A Few Words About Community & Conan O'Brien
Let me tell you that I really want to spend my energy writing about the vile treatment of late night comedian and my personal hero, Conan O'Brien but I'm afraid not everyone will "get it". When I made a Facebook post last week about how I couldn't believe that Conan may be on his "krunking way out" I got several replies asking me to define "krunking" and I'll be honest with you, I was incredibly disappointed with my Facebook friends.
I would really like to spend my energy writing about how when I was a high school senior my best friends, Traci and Randi, and I watched Conan O'Brien religiously. We laughed at all of his jokes, we thought driving the desk was HILARIOUS, we believed his predictions in "The Year 2000" were to be banked on and we used his universal cuss word, krunk, in every sentence. Since Conan was new to the scene I thought he may like a little encouragement from 3 schoolers in Park City, Montana so I sent him a letter telling him how much we loved him. I included a picture of the 3 of us smiling widely. He sent us back a glassy 8x10 of himself. I still have it. I'm thinking of framing it and putting it on the family picture wall.
I would really like to spend my time writing about what a crybaby Jay Leno is, how NBC hasn't been the same since "Friends" went off the air and how even though I don't even have TV I will NEVER watch Leno again and am officially a David Letterman fan (cheating dirtball that he is).
Alas, I am not going to spend my energy writing about these things. Instead I'm going to write a few words about community.
Two of my besties, Cary and Kara, talk a lot about community and to tell you the truth I had never heard it in the context in which they use it until I started hanging out with them. They use the word community to describe the bond between Christ followers who do life together. You know, hold each other accountable, share babysitting, are there in good times and bad, do weekends away together and don't blink an eye about throwing scarce dinner ingredients together to put together a fantastic meal for the families while the kids play and the husbands drive home from work.
I gotta say: I love community. We have a few couple friends who we are doing the community thing with and it is awesome. We watch each other's kids, we know each other's struggles, we call each other too early and too late to share triumphs, heartache and prayer requests. We love each other like family and would give a kidney for one another. Nothing is off limits.
Community comes at a price though. You have to be willing to open up, to be vulnerable. You have to be able to ask for help and to give it. Like a healthy marriage the give and take is sometimes 50/50 and sometimes 60/40 or 70/30.
I'm often asked if Jeff and I will ever move to Montana. A few years ago I maybe would have pondered it but now at this stage in my life I can't ever imagine moving away from our church, from my sisters on Council and at Hearts and the priceless friendships that make up mine and Jeff's "community".
Tonight I've been reminded of the special bond that exists in this community and sisterhood I speak of. A woman I serve on ministry with has been very ill for the past couple of weeks. Tonight she took a turn for the worse and she is being admitted in to the hospital. Within minutes, the woman's husband called another woman on our ministry team and she emailed and called dozens of women. As I write she is at the hospital stroking my friend's head along side her husband and dozens of women are praying from home. I cannot think of a more beautiful picture of community.
I am so blessed to be a part of this. So very, very blessed.
Let me tell you that I really want to spend my energy writing about the vile treatment of late night comedian and my personal hero, Conan O'Brien but I'm afraid not everyone will "get it". When I made a Facebook post last week about how I couldn't believe that Conan may be on his "krunking way out" I got several replies asking me to define "krunking" and I'll be honest with you, I was incredibly disappointed with my Facebook friends.
I would really like to spend my energy writing about how when I was a high school senior my best friends, Traci and Randi, and I watched Conan O'Brien religiously. We laughed at all of his jokes, we thought driving the desk was HILARIOUS, we believed his predictions in "The Year 2000" were to be banked on and we used his universal cuss word, krunk, in every sentence. Since Conan was new to the scene I thought he may like a little encouragement from 3 schoolers in Park City, Montana so I sent him a letter telling him how much we loved him. I included a picture of the 3 of us smiling widely. He sent us back a glassy 8x10 of himself. I still have it. I'm thinking of framing it and putting it on the family picture wall.
I would really like to spend my time writing about what a crybaby Jay Leno is, how NBC hasn't been the same since "Friends" went off the air and how even though I don't even have TV I will NEVER watch Leno again and am officially a David Letterman fan (cheating dirtball that he is).
Alas, I am not going to spend my energy writing about these things. Instead I'm going to write a few words about community.
Two of my besties, Cary and Kara, talk a lot about community and to tell you the truth I had never heard it in the context in which they use it until I started hanging out with them. They use the word community to describe the bond between Christ followers who do life together. You know, hold each other accountable, share babysitting, are there in good times and bad, do weekends away together and don't blink an eye about throwing scarce dinner ingredients together to put together a fantastic meal for the families while the kids play and the husbands drive home from work.
I gotta say: I love community. We have a few couple friends who we are doing the community thing with and it is awesome. We watch each other's kids, we know each other's struggles, we call each other too early and too late to share triumphs, heartache and prayer requests. We love each other like family and would give a kidney for one another. Nothing is off limits.
Community comes at a price though. You have to be willing to open up, to be vulnerable. You have to be able to ask for help and to give it. Like a healthy marriage the give and take is sometimes 50/50 and sometimes 60/40 or 70/30.
I'm often asked if Jeff and I will ever move to Montana. A few years ago I maybe would have pondered it but now at this stage in my life I can't ever imagine moving away from our church, from my sisters on Council and at Hearts and the priceless friendships that make up mine and Jeff's "community".
Tonight I've been reminded of the special bond that exists in this community and sisterhood I speak of. A woman I serve on ministry with has been very ill for the past couple of weeks. Tonight she took a turn for the worse and she is being admitted in to the hospital. Within minutes, the woman's husband called another woman on our ministry team and she emailed and called dozens of women. As I write she is at the hospital stroking my friend's head along side her husband and dozens of women are praying from home. I cannot think of a more beautiful picture of community.
I am so blessed to be a part of this. So very, very blessed.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
There's No Place Like Home
Hooray...we are home! After the longest day EVER we are home. We had a wonderful time with my Mom, Gigi, aunts, uncles, cousins and besties but boy oh boy was it good to walk through the doors of our own home last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get PYKM up yesterday before I left. I had good intentions but we had some errands to run (like me going and buying a to-die-for sweater at Kohl's that I had seen 3 days earlier and didn't buy at the time so my Mom took pity on me and went and bought it for me on our way out of town--awesome) before we went to the airport and my kids were crazy insane and literally bouncing off the walls (a bad sign for what was to come later in the day) and it just didn't happen. And seriously, in theory if you take 2 suitcases out shouldn't you only need 2 suitcases on your return? I had to bum a duffel bag off my Mom just to get all the crap home we accumulated on our visit.
My Mom, my Aunt Kathy, my oldest and bestest friend Traci...they will all be appalled when they read this but truthfully my favorite part of the WHOLE trip was watching Grey's Anatomy on a TV. And not just any Grey's Anatomy but the first Grey's Anatomy from like a 73 week hiatus! Mmm...McDreamy I missed you. My entire childhood, teenage years and the few years I lived with my Mom while I was in college we never had cable. We only had the free TV and because we lived in Walnut Grove those 3 free channels didn't even come in very good so basically we only had NBC but now that I'm gone my Mom has gone all 1988 on me and gotten cable! It is so weird that my Mom has better TV than Hot Jeff and I but all she watches on it is Chuck and The Today Show.
You'll probably be very disappointed to hear this but I actually watched very little TV while I was in Montana. I did watch Grey's and a few nights I stayed up late to watch Conan because I love him and I think he's funnier than ever with all his NBC-can-suck-it jokes. And on a side note, if and when we get TV back I will NEVER, EVER, EVER watch Jay Leno again. I'm Team Coco all the way.
Ok, I digress. So anyway, yes, our trip home yesterday was like a John Hughes movie on crack. First of all, we allowed ourselves way too much time to get through the Billings airport security and had to sit and wait for over an hour AFTER the security check points. Then, just minutes before it was time to board they said there was a maintenance issue with our plane. Over an hour later we boarded the plane just to sit for another 25 minutes. And just in case you forgot, I was traveling with a 1 and 3 year old. Yep. Please pass the tequila.
We missed our connection in Seattle by 7 minutes. 7 MINUTES. As we landed in Seattle they made that announcement asking to let the folks who had "tight connections" off first so of course after 45 people LIED and acted like they had connections we were able to get off. Emily's stroller was in ala carte but I knew if I waited for it we would definitely miss our connection so I held Emily and told Samuel he would need to keep up. And wouldn't you know that every other friggin' time we have made a connection in Seattle our departing gate is like 10 inches from our arrival gate but not yesterday...NOPE it was on a whole other concourse. So I am holding 30 pound Emily, dragging Samuel and his Lightning McQueen mini suitcase on wheels and my red handbag (which had lost all of its attractiveness because it had sippy cups and softies falling out of it) and RUNNING through the airport. Samuel is yelling at the top of his lungs, "Wait for us. Wait for us. I have to see my Daddy". It was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. And just like in a John Hughes movie they were shutting the doors as we arrived, red faced and panting.
Lucky for us Seattle has a connecting flight to Portland every hour. Unlucky for us, we had left our stroller on the ala carte.
We did a diaper change, walked around, bought a bag of pretzels and headed to our gate only to see that flight had been delayed.
You have got to be kidding me. That's what you're thinking, right? At this point, the only thing we had eaten for the last 8 hours were airplane snack food and raisins. Emily had lost her mind to the point I wondered if she would ever return to her normal, sweet self. I actually texted Hot Jeff that I was putting the kids on the plane and staying there in Seattle to look for my sanity and patience. I had begun to irrationally think that we would never get home.
Alas, we did make it home though. Tired, hungry and cranky but we made it. Hallelujah! Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from our trip. I took hundreds and have lots of favorites but I don't want to bore you with pictures of people you don't know. I am going to make you sit through these though.
Cousins!
Samuel and Nana's Snowman
Samuel, Gigi and EmilyGigi crocheted Baby Pete and Baby Ashley new blankies!
Yes, that is a fire in my Mom's oven. We're not sure what caused it but I have suspicions it has something to do with the fact my Mom hasn't cleaned her oven in 23 years. And I hope you think that last sentence is funny because I probably will get cut from her will for writing it.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I'm Sure You Can Get Ammo Here Also...
My cousin Traci loves to take pictures of funny Montana signs. She's got a great collection of them and they range from the odd to the hilarious. The majority of them have the word "ammo" in them.
The other night I was driving through the little town where my Aunt lives and saw this sign. I loved it. Bug, this one is for you!
My cousin Traci loves to take pictures of funny Montana signs. She's got a great collection of them and they range from the odd to the hilarious. The majority of them have the word "ammo" in them.
The other night I was driving through the little town where my Aunt lives and saw this sign. I loved it. Bug, this one is for you!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Praying for Your Kids Monday
Contentment
The kids and I are in Montana getting our Nana on and so I am totally being a lazy slacker and stealing a prayer for this week. It comes from one of my favorite books, While They Were Sleeping by Anne Arkins and Gary Harrell (and the reason I can use it is because my Mom has a copy that she prays for her grandchildren).
It is on the topic of contentment and if you don't think your kids need it then pray it for yourself because if you're anything like me than you could use a little more contentment.
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27: 13-14).
Lord, teach _________ to have that contentment that hopes in You. Give her the assurance that leads to inner peace, tranquility and contentment. Amen.
Contentment
The kids and I are in Montana getting our Nana on and so I am totally being a lazy slacker and stealing a prayer for this week. It comes from one of my favorite books, While They Were Sleeping by Anne Arkins and Gary Harrell (and the reason I can use it is because my Mom has a copy that she prays for her grandchildren).
It is on the topic of contentment and if you don't think your kids need it then pray it for yourself because if you're anything like me than you could use a little more contentment.
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord" (Psalm 27: 13-14).
Lord, teach _________ to have that contentment that hopes in You. Give her the assurance that leads to inner peace, tranquility and contentment. Amen.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Winter Wonderland?
After arriving in Montana safely yesterday afternoon I went outside this morning to shovel the walk so the kids and I could take Gigi out to breakfast. I stepped outside; the snow glistened in the sunlight, its beauty taking me surprise after being gone from it for so long. I inhaled deeply and thought, "This is why I moved to Oregon". As I exhaled I felt the hairs in my nose freeze and my lungs burn with the freezing bite in the air. The snow around me crept in to my high heeled leather boots. What the...?
My mind raced back to November of 1997. It was 9:00pm and I was getting off from the hotel gift shop where I worked. It was some insane amount of degrees below zero and once again, the hairs in my nose froze the second I stepped outside. Although I had just driven my car a few short hours earlier the door was frozen shut and I thought to myself, "I will move to Oregon". Jeff and I had been discussing our future and needing to be near one another so we could do the day to day dating thing and that night it was confirmed for me that I would gladly leave this frozen wasteland of my youth.
Well now I'm here and there is 86,000 inches of snow on the ground and it is 18 degrees, outside. For the HIGH. Isn't freezing like 32 degrees? 18 degrees? That is like a gajillion degrees BELOW the freezing point. That is so cold!
We are having fun though and despite all the snow I did manage to get the car out of the garage and make a trip to Walmart to buy my children snow gear. They look ridiculously cute, by the way, in snow gear and I'm going to make you sit through looking at pictures of them because they are, indeed, so ridiculously cute in snow gear.
Emily's initial reaction to snow was a little less than thrilled.
Emily and Nana. She has eyes in there somewhere.
How sweet are those rosy cheeks?
Samuel and Nana!
After arriving in Montana safely yesterday afternoon I went outside this morning to shovel the walk so the kids and I could take Gigi out to breakfast. I stepped outside; the snow glistened in the sunlight, its beauty taking me surprise after being gone from it for so long. I inhaled deeply and thought, "This is why I moved to Oregon". As I exhaled I felt the hairs in my nose freeze and my lungs burn with the freezing bite in the air. The snow around me crept in to my high heeled leather boots. What the...?
My mind raced back to November of 1997. It was 9:00pm and I was getting off from the hotel gift shop where I worked. It was some insane amount of degrees below zero and once again, the hairs in my nose froze the second I stepped outside. Although I had just driven my car a few short hours earlier the door was frozen shut and I thought to myself, "I will move to Oregon". Jeff and I had been discussing our future and needing to be near one another so we could do the day to day dating thing and that night it was confirmed for me that I would gladly leave this frozen wasteland of my youth.
Well now I'm here and there is 86,000 inches of snow on the ground and it is 18 degrees, outside. For the HIGH. Isn't freezing like 32 degrees? 18 degrees? That is like a gajillion degrees BELOW the freezing point. That is so cold!
We are having fun though and despite all the snow I did manage to get the car out of the garage and make a trip to Walmart to buy my children snow gear. They look ridiculously cute, by the way, in snow gear and I'm going to make you sit through looking at pictures of them because they are, indeed, so ridiculously cute in snow gear.
Emily's initial reaction to snow was a little less than thrilled.
Emily and Nana. She has eyes in there somewhere.
How sweet are those rosy cheeks?
Samuel and Nana!Sunday, January 3, 2010
Praying for Your Kids Monday
College, Careers and Beyond
As you know, one of my favorite things to pray for my kids is their future. Futurefriendships, future choices, future spouses, etc. Their career paths are not exempt from my covering.
Between Jeff and I we have a ridiculous amount of college under our belts. It took both of us a lot of time, a lot of goofing off and a lot of advice from our advisors to finally graduate. We did it (hooray) but we have the student loans to show for it also. I know a certain amount of trepidation in college is normal but I long for my kids to be a little more focused than we were and I long for them choose a career based on God's will for their lives.
When praying about this topic for them I like to pray the New Living Translation's version of Proverbs 3:6, Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. I love that the verse doesn't say if Samuel seeks God's will than maybe God will show him which path to take; no, it clearly states if you do this, I will do this.
Again, the goal here is not to see my kids not have a change of major during their junior year (although that would be nice), the desire of my heart is that no matter what they choose they will have done it by seeking God's will and by feeling confident He has shown them the path to take.
Gracious Lord, I am amazed and humbled You listen to the prayers of this Mommy. Thank You for loving ________ even more than I do. Thank You for having a plan for him and that before he was even born You sanctified him. I pray that ________ will seek Your will in all that he does and that You will show him which path to take. I pray that as he grows You will give me insight in to his strengths so that I can help him to follow Your will and grow in the way You designed him. Amen.
College, Careers and Beyond
As you know, one of my favorite things to pray for my kids is their future. Futurefriendships, future choices, future spouses, etc. Their career paths are not exempt from my covering.
Between Jeff and I we have a ridiculous amount of college under our belts. It took both of us a lot of time, a lot of goofing off and a lot of advice from our advisors to finally graduate. We did it (hooray) but we have the student loans to show for it also. I know a certain amount of trepidation in college is normal but I long for my kids to be a little more focused than we were and I long for them choose a career based on God's will for their lives.
When praying about this topic for them I like to pray the New Living Translation's version of Proverbs 3:6, Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. I love that the verse doesn't say if Samuel seeks God's will than maybe God will show him which path to take; no, it clearly states if you do this, I will do this.
Again, the goal here is not to see my kids not have a change of major during their junior year (although that would be nice), the desire of my heart is that no matter what they choose they will have done it by seeking God's will and by feeling confident He has shown them the path to take.
Gracious Lord, I am amazed and humbled You listen to the prayers of this Mommy. Thank You for loving ________ even more than I do. Thank You for having a plan for him and that before he was even born You sanctified him. I pray that ________ will seek Your will in all that he does and that You will show him which path to take. I pray that as he grows You will give me insight in to his strengths so that I can help him to follow Your will and grow in the way You designed him. Amen.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Milestones and Moments
Thanks to Hot Jeff's case of pneumonia we are spending New Years Eve quietly at home. We brought 2010 in at midnight EST and now the kids are in bed dreaming of a dropping crystal ball, fireworks and cheering revelers.
The unexpected quietness of the night has left me with unplanned time to write and reflect, not just on the last year but the last decade. Has it really been 10 years since Y2K?
This morning I spent some time looking at old photos. I was planning on doing some sort of "Decade in Pictures" for you but as I looked at the photos of a decade gone by I began thinking about how most of my memories are made up of moments, not necessarily milestones and how almost never there is a camera documenting the memorable moment like there is at the milestone. Milestones are almost always planned, hence we can have a camera ready to record and preserve. The moments however, they seem to happen more quietly, with little to no fanfare and typically not documented on film or digitally.
Almost exactly 10 years ago Hot Jeff and I went fishing; we were in search of our first steelheads of the millennium. We caught our beautiful chrome bright pair on January 20, 2000 and our best friend Scott was there to snap the photo of us. Yet later that evening when Jeff asked me to marry him there was no one there to take a photo as we kissed, giggled and planned.
I have a whole album of soft glow wedding pictures taken in 2001 yet not one to capture the unadulterated joy on my face the next morning when it dawned on me that I would wake up to his face for the rest of my life.
Sometimes out of courtesy or appropriateness there is no camera present at our cherished moments. In 2003 as Jeff's beloved Grandpa Ed was dying and his children and grandchildren circled his bed, his daughter whispering him Home to Jesus, no one snapped pictures to put in an album later.
And while I have a whole passel of pictures of the rainy Wednesday evening in 2006 when Samuel made us a family I don't have a single one of me, with outstretched shaking hands, showing an unaware, expectant Daddy a stick with three lines on it.
We have a sweet, treasured picture of Jeff, Samuel and I that we sent as an announcement that we were pregnant with Emily yet no pictures of us, sitting hand and hand with our hearts in our throats hearing the news from our doctor that the ultrasound didn't show any defect in Emily's in utero spine as the blood tests had predicted.
In 2007 milestone and moment quietly intersected as I held a baby boy on the night of his first birthday thinking about how his birthday would furthermore share the anniversary of my adored Uncle Bob's death. It was in that moment that I learned, perhaps, the greatest lesson of this last decade and maybe even of my life: that life really is a circle and when we think we cannot possibly bear anymore pain or loss the Father meets us in our grief and doubt with hope and promise. A birthday party and a final goodbye, a rainbow in a cemetery, a Good Friday and a Resurrection Sunday.
A few days later I would share this epiphany as I gave Uncle Bob's eulogy; I read the timeless Scripture from Ecclesiastes more astounded than ever at their truth and meaning.
Since that time when milestone and moment traversed, I view both with a new pair of eyes; beholding the beauty and fleetingness of both with equality. In view of a birthday milestone that marked birth and renewal and a quiet moment when temporary became eternal, I find myself still photographing the milestones but being careful to chronicle the moments as well.
As a new year dawns I know it will be filled with joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, blessing and loss. I find myself not so much praying to be spared from the heartache but to have an eternal mindset and a Spirit-given understanding that there really is a season for everything under heaven. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what He has done from beginning to end (Ecc 3: 11).
Thanks to Hot Jeff's case of pneumonia we are spending New Years Eve quietly at home. We brought 2010 in at midnight EST and now the kids are in bed dreaming of a dropping crystal ball, fireworks and cheering revelers.
The unexpected quietness of the night has left me with unplanned time to write and reflect, not just on the last year but the last decade. Has it really been 10 years since Y2K?
This morning I spent some time looking at old photos. I was planning on doing some sort of "Decade in Pictures" for you but as I looked at the photos of a decade gone by I began thinking about how most of my memories are made up of moments, not necessarily milestones and how almost never there is a camera documenting the memorable moment like there is at the milestone. Milestones are almost always planned, hence we can have a camera ready to record and preserve. The moments however, they seem to happen more quietly, with little to no fanfare and typically not documented on film or digitally.
Almost exactly 10 years ago Hot Jeff and I went fishing; we were in search of our first steelheads of the millennium. We caught our beautiful chrome bright pair on January 20, 2000 and our best friend Scott was there to snap the photo of us. Yet later that evening when Jeff asked me to marry him there was no one there to take a photo as we kissed, giggled and planned.
I have a whole album of soft glow wedding pictures taken in 2001 yet not one to capture the unadulterated joy on my face the next morning when it dawned on me that I would wake up to his face for the rest of my life.
Sometimes out of courtesy or appropriateness there is no camera present at our cherished moments. In 2003 as Jeff's beloved Grandpa Ed was dying and his children and grandchildren circled his bed, his daughter whispering him Home to Jesus, no one snapped pictures to put in an album later.
And while I have a whole passel of pictures of the rainy Wednesday evening in 2006 when Samuel made us a family I don't have a single one of me, with outstretched shaking hands, showing an unaware, expectant Daddy a stick with three lines on it.
We have a sweet, treasured picture of Jeff, Samuel and I that we sent as an announcement that we were pregnant with Emily yet no pictures of us, sitting hand and hand with our hearts in our throats hearing the news from our doctor that the ultrasound didn't show any defect in Emily's in utero spine as the blood tests had predicted.
In 2007 milestone and moment quietly intersected as I held a baby boy on the night of his first birthday thinking about how his birthday would furthermore share the anniversary of my adored Uncle Bob's death. It was in that moment that I learned, perhaps, the greatest lesson of this last decade and maybe even of my life: that life really is a circle and when we think we cannot possibly bear anymore pain or loss the Father meets us in our grief and doubt with hope and promise. A birthday party and a final goodbye, a rainbow in a cemetery, a Good Friday and a Resurrection Sunday.
A few days later I would share this epiphany as I gave Uncle Bob's eulogy; I read the timeless Scripture from Ecclesiastes more astounded than ever at their truth and meaning.
Since that time when milestone and moment traversed, I view both with a new pair of eyes; beholding the beauty and fleetingness of both with equality. In view of a birthday milestone that marked birth and renewal and a quiet moment when temporary became eternal, I find myself still photographing the milestones but being careful to chronicle the moments as well.
As a new year dawns I know it will be filled with joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, blessing and loss. I find myself not so much praying to be spared from the heartache but to have an eternal mindset and a Spirit-given understanding that there really is a season for everything under heaven. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what He has done from beginning to end (Ecc 3: 11).
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Don't Call It a Purse
My children, the little darlings that they are, got me Tinker Bell and The Lost Treasure for Christmas. I don't know who to be more annoyed with: them because at 1 and 3 don't they know me better than that or Hot Jeff for letting them pull a stunt like that. When they left the house to go shopping for "me" I clearly said, "I like diamonds, red shoes, handbags, and fun socks". I guess they didn't hear me over all dishwashing, clothes folding, meal preparation and vacuuming I was doing.
This brings me to today where Project Make Jen's-Bedroom-Into-A-Loveshack started by Bestie Kara and finished by Bestie Shannon took me to Ross' to find the perfect over-the-bed mirror to add some depth to the room, fill a space on a large wall and to, as Hot Jeff says, bring kinky back. Yep, just went there.
You. Are. Welcome.
When I walked in my eyes beheld the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was hanging modestly on a rack until it felt the weight of my stare and then it began to wiggle and come alive and I'll be darned if it didn't cry out to me, "Mama. Hold me."
I simply couldn't justify NOT getting the most beautiful handbag I had ever seen, especially after what my CHILDREN GOT ME FOR CHRISTMAS. So it is mine. And it is beautiful. And I shall love it forever. Merry Christmas Hot River Mama.
(I wish I were better at taking pictures because this one doesn't nearly show how marvelous the bag really is. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a photo shoot with it and post the pics. Right now I have to go help Hot Jeff hang our new mirror. Yes, I did find the perfect mirror but it's purchase paled in comparison to the bag.)
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