Happy Mothers Day

A Letter from Mama

Dear Samuel & Emily,

Today is Mothers Day and you have made a fuss over me all day. You're just getting to the ages where you can see, if only for brief moments at a time, that not everything is about you. Finally, if only for brief moments at a time, you're beginning to figure out that it is all about me.

Now before I go getting all sappy and slushy lets keep it real. You make me crazy. Like I'm on a 2 prescription cocktail of anti-depressants/anxiety pills because of you two knuckleheads. Don't be fooled by a "chemical imbalance" diagnosis--someday when my liver and kidneys are shot and Dad can't wipe himself you'll be getting a little knock-knock-knock on your doors. You fight, you whine, you keep our home in a perpetual state of needing Federal assistance, you eat every 2 hours and when I pulled the couch out yesterday to vacuum I found thousands of half-eaten, abandoned goldfish crackers.

Yes, life with you isn't all rainbows. With that said, I love my life. You have made my life complete in a way I never knew was possible.

Samuel, you made me a Mommy. I went from being focused on myself to being focused on another human who was completely dependent on me. I gave you life and I sustained you but you saved me. You saved me from a self-centered life and taught me the fullness of giving yourself unconditionally to another. How can I ever thank you or show you the depths of my love and gratitude for you?

Emily, you completed me. You have taught me that I cannot run out of love. It sounds like a cliche but the more I love you the more love I have for Daddy and Samuel. It is funny because I seem to cling to you more than I do Samuel. It seems natural to give Samuel wings as I remind him of boundaries, but you are the baby and I find myself clinging tightly to the "littleness" of you for as long as I can. All of Samuel's "firsts" were met with excitement and anticipation (and yours are too) but your "firsts" have a tinge of bitterness to them because I know there are no more to come. So forgive me if sometimes I hold too tightly.

One thing that being your Mommy has shown me is how much God loves me. I grew up knowing he was a heavenly "father" but after becoming I mother I understand God's "Daddy" love for me so much more...and yet I know that is just but a glimpse of His great love for me.

I remember one night we were training one of you to sleep through the night so I wasn't going in and breastfeeding you but Daddy or I would just walk in and pat your back and then leave. You were both fast learners and after 2 nights or so you both decided it was easier to sleep through the night and have a big breakfast. On one of these nights I remember laying in bed listening to your sad little cries, my heart breaking because I wanted to go to you, hold you, comfort you and give you warm, soothing milk. I knew though that the best thing for you was rest and to learn to sleep through the night. I'm the parent, I saw the bigger picture and I knew sadness and confusion for a couple of nights was worth your well-being in the long run.

Samuel and Emily, this is how God is with us. He sees the bigger picture and when we're neck deep in pain, confusion and suffering He sometimes lets us "cry it out" because He knows there is something better for us on the other side. I will come to your rescue most of the time; when I don't though, don't think it isn't because I don't want to--sometimes I just know better. God won't always come to your rescue. He hears your cries, He sees your pain but sometimes we have to go through the suffering to be better on the other side.

I have all sorts of little lessons like these...little epiphanies that God has shown me as I travel on this journey of being your Mommy. I'd like to write them all down for you but so far I'm a little too busy getting gum out of carpet and making macaroni and cheese. Someday...

Know this: you are my greatest joys.

Love, Mama

I don't really have anything to write about but my "fans" are demanding some new material. And when I say "fans" I mean 2 people and when I say "demanding" I mean they both Facebooked me about it.

I don't have anything interesting to say. Not a thing. Well I guess I do have one thing to say, today I braided Emily's hair in a way that it made her look like Legolas from The Lord of the Rings. It was accidental but all she needed was some little pointy ears and a bow and arrow and she would have been set.

You other bloggers may understand how sometimes material is just flowing out of you and you just can't write fast enough but then other times, like lately, nothing seems blog-worthy.

Oh, oh...I just thought of something. Last night in the middle of the night, Samuel came barging in to my room crying and saying, "I swallowed some hair and now my brains are going to fall out." I said, "Swallowing hair doesn't make your brains fall out" to which he replied, "You said if Em and I ate hair our brains would fall out."

Here's the amazing part, somehow in the middle of the night I was able to reason where he was coming up with such nonsense and I said, "I did not say that. I said that if you chewed your nails and ate your finger nails you would have to have your appendix out. Now go back to bed." Smarty pants replied, "I'm going to go to bed and eat 100 pieces of hair and you're going to find my brains all over the bed."

Wow. He may be a fuzz crazy.

Drama Queen

Today Samuel got his foot stuck in the door. It bruised it a bit but didn't break the skin. He was able to walk on it but was screaming like a banshee. I mean screaming so loud that I became 100% certain there are alien life forms and that Samuel has been chosen to communicate with them through his painful screams.

He made me carry him to the couch and asked if I would prop his foot up. Then he had the audacity to say, "I have a bad foot just like you Mom." No you don't Samuel. In fact, I told him just that: "No you don't Samuel. I know excruciating-talk-to-aliens-foot-pain and this isn't it." He didn't seem to buy it and just kept talking to the aliens. It's almost as if he thinks I'm being melodramatic.

I said, "Samuel, can you please stop screaming so loudly; it is going to be okay?" and he said, "Why do you keep saying it is going to be okay? It is never going to be okay ever again."

See what I'm living with? I'm living with myself. Only a worse version of myself: a 4 year old, out of touch with reality, version of myself.

If aliens really wanted to make contact with someone here on earth they should have chosen me over Samuel. I can give a much more accurate account of things.


Oh my gosh, while I was spell checking this Samuel said to me, "Mom, come over here and kiss me. I am close to death." Hahahahahaha! Is he English?

Nothing Says 'Merry Christmas' Like a Dead Pet Story

Before I spread a whole lot of Christmas cheer by telling you our dead hamster story I have to just tell you my wonderful Mommy story. This just happened and it seriously validated me as a mother.

We had just put the kids to bed and I went downstairs to get Ruby. While I was down there I got a Mike's Hard Lemonade and a glass of water. As I was making my way through the kitchen and living room, here came Samuel wondering what I was doing. Heaven forbid I go downstairs if he is upstairs.

I started back up the stairs with my hands full with the laptop, my Mike's and a glass of water. Samuel was a stair ahead of me and turned and took the water from my hand and said, "Let me help you Mama".

Ok seriously, how sweet is that? My heart just flip flopped that Samuel would be aware of someone other than himself and jump right in and help. It was this little glimmer of promise that he is going to someday grow out of this egocentric, albeit developmentally perfectly normal, stage and be a fully functioning person who doesn't throw a fit if you give him a blue cup instead of an orange cup.

And because I make everything about me, I also felt like maybe I am doing something right! Ok, so maybe I was heading upstairs to drink a hard lemonade while watching "Celebrity Rehab" but my kid is thoughtful! Yes, I am definitely doing something right. I also feel like I'm modeling responsible drinking. Like you know, drink as much as you want as long as you don't end up like those fools on Dr. Drew's show!!

Ok, on an unrelated note, I took a Tylenol PM right before I started writing and mixing that with a Mike's may have not been my best idea--I'm getting sleepy! Last night I could not sleep because Hot Jeff was putting on a show with his snoring. It sounded like a plague of locusts. Well tonight, thanks to my little Tylenol cocktail, he may think he's Moses.

The more tired I get (and Hot Jeff just put Avatar on and thinks I am going to be able to stay up fr 2.5 hours?!) the less I feel about writing about Riley. Sorry. You're going to get the short-I-feel-a-little-buzzed version. (How funny is it that I'm a little buzzed off half a Mike's and one Tylenol PM? Can you slur your typing?)

Last weekend Coach Riley the hamster died. We were sad.

Oh ok, I can do a little better than that.

I'm not really sure what happened to her but when I got home from work last Friday she was lethargic and way tame. For example, usually when we open her cage she would run (she was far from tame) but this day she as just lying in her wheel, motionless. Suspecting she didn't have much time left I told the kids & Jeff that I thought she was going to die.

We held her (usually when I held her she kind of struggled so we just hurry and put her in her ball and let her cruise around) and her little listless body just rested in our different, gentle hands.

Sometime in the night little Riley died; Samuel had decorated a little box with a cross on it and Jeff put her in it. We said our goodbyes and Jeff put the lid on the box. Precious, tender hearted Samuel said, "Dad, I need to see her one more time". Jeff patiently took the lid off and Samuel looked down on her and with tears streaming down his face said, "I wish you could have lived forever. You were the best hamster but you will have a good time in Heaven being with Jesus on His birthday".

So precious. It really was so tender and sweet and I was so proud of him.

That same night (we buried Riley in the backyard) we got a new hamster. Her name is Molly. The funny thing about Molly is that she is super fun. She seems like she is a lot more active and comfortable with us. Watching Molly has made us wonder if hamsters really do have different personalities or was maybe Riley sick from the beginning??

So that's the scoop. New hamster and a life lesson: don't drink Mike's Hard Lemonade and take Tylenol PM. You're just asking for trouble and just asking to not be able to get through Avatar.

Man, I'm tired.

Move Over Fiona

If you've read this blog for very long you know that Samuel can get a little OCD sometimes. Remember when Samuel fell madly in love with Fiona from Shrek and packed a picture of her around with him for weeks and weeks?

He and Fiona must have broken up because his affections have shifted. Yep, move over Fiona and make room for Liesl. As in 16-Going-on-17 Liesl.


We're big fans of Sound of Music over here at 5630 and while I am just gaga over the Captain, Samuel has his eyes on the lovely Soprano, Liesl vonTrapp.

In classic Samuel style, he has asked me to put her picture on the computer desktop and he sits there dreamily all day long singing to her and reading books to her.

On the thankful tree we're making he says he's thankful for Liesl almost every day and when he walks by the tree he caresses the leaves that have her name on them tenderly.

Tonight about 20 minutes after I had put him to bed he came bouncing downstairs and said, "I will go to bed in just a minute but I just have to ask you something...do you think you can find me a Liesl doll?" I replied, "Oh buddy, I don't know if I will be able to find one." He quickly cut me off and said, "Just work on it, Mom."

Ha!

Anyone know where I can get a Liesl doll?

FAQ Friday

How did you come up with your kids' names?

Ok, seriously LOVE this question. Next to telling you my birth stories this is a favorite thing to write about and one that I haven't! Thanks for asking!

I'll start with Samuel since he is the oldest. Oh little Samuel Edward...

When Jeff and I started praying for a baby we had no idea our journey would last almost 3 years. By the time I finally got pregnant I didn't care what we had but deep down I wanted a boy. I had always seen myself as a mother of 2 boys and really couldn't imagine mothering girls.

At our 20 week ultrasound when the tech announced it was a boy, I was thrilled and we started discussing names. I had loved the name Samuel forever and felt a connection to the story of Hannah praying for a son.

On the other hand, Jeff's dad's name is Herbert James (called Jim) and I also loved the idea of naming our son Herbert James and calling him Jack, another long time favorite name of mine.

In the end, we just fell in love with the tune of "Samuel Edward". Edward is Jeff's late grandfather's name; Grandpa Ed was Jeff's biggest fan, fishing buddy and the sweetest man you would have ever met. He died in 2003 and naming Samuel after him in 2006 seemed like a tender way to honor the man who would have adored Jeff's son.

Samuel has ended up being the perfect name for our precious boy. In February, I was even more convinced it was the perfect name when God called Samuel in his bedroom late at night. You may remember the spine tingling answer Samuel gave me the day after he asked Jesus in to his heart when I asked him how he knew Jesus didn't already live in his heart, "God told me", he simply stated.

And finally, in most recent months I have gotten really into the genealogy of the Niles side and have found out that "Samuel" is a Niles family name that was given to many of the men in my line and was the middle name of my grandfather's favorite uncle. How perfect and cool is that?


And now for little Roo...

Emily May Irene Henderson joined us in 2008 and we knew from the moment we heard she was a girl what we would name her. I have known since I was an adult that if I had a daughter I would name her after my Grandma Emily. To read more about Gigi, which you should because she is awesome, click on the label "Gigi". You'll be glad you did.

May is a family name: Gigi's mom was Beryl May, Gigi is Emily May, my Mom is Della May and I'm Jennifer May. When I was a kid I didn't like the name, mostly because I was a kid and kids are difficult and one way they are difficult is to gripe about their names. I was pretty typical. Also, there was a boy in my 4th grade class named Jonathan May and the kids would tease me and say I was going to marry Jonathan and my name would be Jennifer May May. Kids are so stupid.

So up until about a month before I delivered Emily we were just going to call her Emily Irene, the Irene being after Jeff's grandma (Ed's wife). One night Jeff and I were feeling her move and groove in my belly and he said that he thought we should name her Emily May Irene so she could be named after me and carry on the May tradition. It seemed so sentimental and sweet to me that I was surprised it hadn't been more obvious to me before. My Mom was ELATED!


Here's a picture of Emily and Emily when Roo was 2 months old and we took her to Montana the first time. I will never forget the look on Gig's face when she met her namesake for the first time at the Montana airport...it was magical.

Now just for fun I will tell you why we call her Roo...

When she was born Samuel was only 22 months old and couldn't say "Emily" so he called her "Emmy"; we all started calling her that and in a sing-songy nick-namey way I called her "Emmy Roo" one day and it sort of stuck. A few days of calling her Emmy Roo and Hot Jeff shortened it to "Roo" and that REALLY stuck. Now, 2 and half years later if you ask her what her name is, 85% of the time she will tell you "Roo". It makes me smile every time. It also makes me smile when I hear Samaria and Caleb Brown call her Roo (I'm not even sure they know her real name) and when my friends call her Roo. There is something really endearing about it; like they know and love her.

How did you come up with your kids' names? Did you call them their names before they were born or did you have a pet name for them before they were born/a part of you family?

Head Ogre Heels In Love

We were a little on the fence about letting the kids watch the movie Shrek. It has a lot of adult humor in it but after some discussion we decided we would let them watch it as the adult humor is over their heads, it has a sweet message about beauty and they would love the 'story' of it. FYI, because we don't have a TV and don't eat fast food we didn't even know Shrek 4 was coming out but have since discovered that little tidbit out and it has helped add to the madness I'm about to describe.

Samuel, bless his heart, is me but 29 years younger and blond. He looks like me, he acts like me, he wakes up like me, he freaks out like me...He's me. He's more introverted than I would ever dream of being (he gets that from Hot Jeff) but all in all--he's me. So it comes to no surprise to me that when Samuel gets in to something he GETS INTO SOMETHING. Like full-throttle-ain't-nothing-stopping-me-now-I'm-buying -everything-in-sight-with-that-on-it. You know his Lightning McQueen phase has lasted over a full year and 2 birthday parties. He's got EVERY Cars car imaginable, a Cars bed, a Cars scooter, a Cars bike, Cars clothes, Cars, Cars, Cars. Up until a few weeks ago Samuel ate, breathed and slept Lightning McQueen...but that all changed when he watched Shrek.

We don't just watch a movie once around this place. We watch it until we have every single line memorized so about 3 days after introducing Shrek to the kids we had watched it about 177 times. That night while I was making dinner Samuel said coyly to me, "Mama, I think I need something soft to sleep with". I began to list the names of the stuffed, soft items in his bed when he quickly stopped me and said, "No Mama, I'm thinking something soft...like Fiona doll".

A Fiona doll? Like the Princess in the movie? The girl? The one with the breasts and wearing a dress? Back. The. Truck. Up. What did you say?

"But not the first Fiona" he corrected, "the second Fiona; the one at the end". "The ogre?" I questioned. Samuel nodded, love filling his eyes.

Not knowing that if I went to any toy store in America I would be barraged with Shrek toys I explained that Shrek was an old movie and I didn't think we could buy Shrek toys anymore. I suggested we find a picture of her online and print it out...big hit. Huge hit. Ginormous hit.

Here she is...

Hot Jeff "laminated" her with contact paper which turned out to be the best idea HE HAS EVER HAD because, no lie, Samuel carries her with him everywhere. I am not kidding you, he doesn't go anywhere without her. I knew there was something obsessive compulsive and creepy sweet about it when I went to tuck him in that night and she was lying next to him in his bed. When he said his prayers that night he thanked God for her.

Oh, it gets better. That weekend Hot Jeff camped in the living room with the kids and he overheard Samuel say to Fiona, "I love you. Goodnight." Jeff whispered to him, "Samuel, what does Shrek think about you loving Fiona so much?" "Don't say that name to me, Dad" Samuel barked.

When Samuel takes a bath at night he props Fiona up on the counter and tells us, "She likes to watch me take a bath".

Have you pee'd your pants laughing yet? Ordered a psych eval on my kid yet? Well here ya' go...while in Montana last week Samuel took his church shoes to Jeff and asked if he would help put them on. Jeff inquired why and Samuel told him it was because he and Fiona were getting married and these were his 'wedding shoes'. He walked around with her all night telling everyone who would listen that he had "married his darling". No kidding.

The next morning he announced to me that he and Fiona had a baby (I can only assume they got married because she was pregnant) and I texted Kara the news, "A mother-in-law and a grandmother all within 18 hours". "Congratulations" she texted back.

Since we were on vacation I got a lot of pictures and wouldn't you know that Fiona is in all of them. Well, why wouldn't she be? She is Samuel's darling after all.

Samuel and Fiona on the Montana/Wyoming border.


Emily, Nana, Samuel and...Fiona

Posing naked at Nana's with their silly glasses and...Fiona.

This afternoon I had a quick follow up with the surgeon who had done my stent and I took the kids as I knew it would be in and out. I made Samuel leave Fiona in the car because it was pouring and I was afraid she would get wet and I would have to deal with a devastated Samuel while at the hospital. We ended up waiting for 55 minutes to see the surgeon because he had "an emergency come up" and when we returned to the car I heard Samuel say to Fiona in an exasperated voice, "Fiona, I am so sorry that took so long. I hope you didn't miss me too much."

I found a Fiona ogre plush doll on ebay and I think I'm going to get it for him. He will go absolutely bonkers over it; all the crazy he has left in his bottle he will just dump all over the floor and roll in it. It should be awesome. I'll try and roll some video for you.

Damsel in Distress

With another rainy Oregon day on our hands we declared yesterday a pajama day.

We brought the rocket ship (the box Ella was shipped in) downstairs from the playroom and Samuel and Emily flew to the moon, played hide and seek and saved the princess over and over from the dangerous, fire breathing dragon who apparently resides in our hall closet.

While unloading the dishwasher I heard them marching around the family room, foam swords in hand. I heard Samuel direct his sister, "We must save the Princess. She's going to be eaten. Hurry, we must find her". They marched in to the kitchen where I was bent over my most favorite of all household appliances. Samuel shouted excitedly, "There's the Princess. She's unloading the dishwasher. Saaaaaave her!"

Yes, please save me from the dreaded duty of unloading the dishwasher and vacuuming and cleaning toilets and folding laundry... and for crying out loud someone get me a tiara!

4 Year Old Negotiations

Today I got my period (sorry guy readers) and am feeling all bloaty, back achy, tired and crabby. At 11:30am I had hit the wall and really wanted to take a nap when Emily did. Knowing there was only one person standing in the way of a wonderful, cozy nap the following conversation took place.

Me: Samuel, Mommy doesn't feel very well. Will you take a nap with Emily and me today?
S: No.
Me: Please.
S: Will you pay me?
Me: Um, yes. I will give you a quarter.
S: No, I want a dollar bill.
Me: (A whole half second of hesitation) Yeah, ok.
S: One dollar bill and one quarter.
Me: You got it.

Well played Samuel, well played.

Childlike Faith

Samuel's Salvation Story

Thank you for all of your sweet emails regarding Samuel's decision to invite Jesus in to his heart. I have saved them all and am going to put them in his journal where I have written about the event so that he can always remember it. I wanted to tell you about how it all "went down" as I think it was pretty remarkable.

In case you were wondering, Samuel is almost 4 (April). We had already put him to bed on Sunday night and he came downstairs about a half hour later crying softly. I asked him what was wrong and he said "Jesus doesn't live in my heart". I found this to be so amazing because we haven't even talked to him about this in several months.

I walked him back upstairs and asked if he wanted to talk more about it and he said yes. I told him how when he disobeys his parents, or hits his sister or won't share with a friend that is called sin. I went through the whole story with him and then read him a book I had purchased a few years back; a children's book called I Believe in Jesus that tells how to ask Jesus in your heart and have Him be your 'forever friend'. After the book he said, "I want Jesus to love me forever and I want Him to live in my heart" so we prayed together and Samuel asked Jesus to forgive his sins, thanked him for dying on the cross and asked him to live in his heart. It was pretty spectacular!

The next afternoon, still curious about what prompted him, I asked him, "Samuel, how did you know that Jesus didn't live in your heart"? He replied quickly, "Because God told me". Oh yeah, duh.

Jeff and I have been so blessed to have been witness to God, literally, calling our little boy. We have been praying for his salvation since we found out we were pregnant with him and are rejoicing with all of heaven that God has called our little Samuel, just like in the story in which he was named after.

My Sensei Jen Roth reminded me last year that our kids don't have a junior sized Holy Spirit, they have the real Biggie size, just like us; these past few days, watching Samuel with this decision and the astounding things he seems to comprehend, has really reminded me of that. Last night, Jeff and I were talking in bed about it and he wondered aloud how many times God speaks to us but we shrug it off because we think it is hooey, hooey or couldn't possibly be God. I've been reminded these past few days that Christ asks for a "childlike" faith...sometimes I make it way harder than it needs to be.

One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down.
Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down."
Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.
The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening." 1 Samuel 3: 2-10

Ho Ho Ho

As I promised, here are the letters Santa wrote the kiddos. They should be arriving from the North Pole in a couple of weeks! If you plagiarize them, I will find out and my wrath and justice will be swift. You've been warned.

Dear Samuel,
Thank you for your letter! Every day after the mail comes Mrs. Claus and I sit down to read the letters that come from little boys and girls from all over the world. We always love to hear from you, Samuel Henderson! You are such a special little boy and from your very first Christmas I knew it would always be a treat to come to your house.

I have asked my elves to make you something very special and I think you are really going to love it. I’ve been thinking about you all year long and am excited for you to see what my elves have made you. You will find it under your Christmas tree on Christmas morning!

It has been very snowy up here at the North Pole. I love to eat soup on cold days and Mrs. Claus always makes me yummy cornbread with honey butter on it! After we get our work done for the day, the elves and I go feed the reindeer and then we run and play in the snow. We like to build snowmen and go sledding.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year because Mrs. Claus and I love to celebrate Baby Jesus’ birthday! We love to sit in front of the cozy fireplace and read the story of His wondrous birth in the Bible. I know you love to read the Bible with your Mommy and Daddy.

Samuel, you are such a special little boy and I know you are a good helper to your parents. Thank you for obeying your Mommy and Daddy and for being kind to your little sister, Emily. It always makes me smile when I think about your tender heart.

Merry Christmas Samuel; I can’t wait to eat those delicious cookies you always leave out for me!

Love,
Santa Claus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Emily,

I have been thinking about you all year long and am so happy to finally be wishing you a Merry Christmas. Mrs. Claus and I have been busy preparing for this most magical time of the year—the birthday celebration of Baby Jesus! I understand you are just learning about Christmas: the lights, the tree, the wonderful cookies and Christmas songs. You are very young but as you grow older you will learn more and more about why Christmas is so joyous and I hope you will always carry the magic of Christmas in your heart.

A little elf told me that you love hot chocolate! Well guess what? I love hot chocolate too! Mrs. Claus and I love to snuggle up in a blanket and drink hot chocolate and read letters from little boys and girls. We got a special letter from your brother Samuel this year. Next year you will be old enough to send your own letter and I can’t wait to read it!

On Christmas morning you will find a special present under your tree just for you. You are such a wonderful little girl Emily Henderson and I loved having my elves make you this present for you; they put a lot of love in to it.

My sleigh is almost packed full of presents for all the little boys and girls and it won’t be long until I make my way to your house. Be listening for jingle bells on your roof on Christmas Eve night; that will be my reindeer and me. Thank you for the treats you left out for me and my reindeer last year—I can always count on your generous heart, Emily Henderson! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Love,
Santa Claus

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Every now and then Samuel sneaks in to bed with us.

Every now and then he brings a balloon.

This is my life people. You can't make this stuff up.

Bitter Beer Face

Can I just tell you how bitter I am? I am so bitter. Every woman in America is watching the Grey's Anatomy season premiere AT THIS VERY MOMENT and I am writing on this stupid blog. I am writing how Hot Jeff and I got all holier-than-thou and dumped our TV and oh-aren't-we-wonderful-parents and we-are-going-to-churn-our-own-butter-and-our-kids-will-be-so-smart-because-they-don't-watch-TV and it seemed like such a good idea in the Summer and it sounded ideal when JANA AVISON lied to me and told me I could stream TV live and now I can't breathe and somebody please come over and here and put me out of my misery because I have to wait until 2:00 TOMORROW to find out how Izzie is doing and why Derek is taking the Chief's job and what is going on with Owen and ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

At what point when you read we were going Little House on the Prairie on you did you realize that in just a few short months I would be blogging instead of watching Grey's live? And why didn't you come over here and throw yourself in front of the cable box I was disconnecting and tell me that only over YOUR DEAD BODY would you let me disconnect the ONE SOURCE for me to watch the Grey's Anatomy premiere on September 24th?

Upon reading my freak out session on Facebook a friend wrote "Oh Jen, I love your candor. You are so relatable". You know who you are MIA WHITE and for the love of everything holy why didn't you drive over here pick me up and take me to your home to watch it? BETH ARMSTRONG--you are right next door. Can't you hear the screeching? Do you not see the emergency vehicles arriving at my home to give me CPR and pull my gnarled fingers from Jeff's neck? For the record Beth, I was going to march on over there and make you let me watch it but Jeff told me that was "tacky". Tacky? Clearly Jeff hasn't lost all ability to reason like I have because AT THIS VERY MOMENT people across America are watching Izzie stroke George's dead hand as a tear trickles down her cancer stricken, just coded, back from the dead face.

So let me be clear: I hate all of you right now.

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I can't even think clearly enough to write about Samuel's first day of preschool but I will say this: he had a great time and tonight at dinner we got our first preschool lesson. "Mrs. Watson says at snack time we have to sit with our belly to the table". We all sat up straight and pushed our bellies to the table. Well except Roo whose belly is too big. She managed to give us her trademark phrase though, "I'm Buzz" (as in Buzz Lightyear).

No, we are not sending Samuel to some ghetto preschool whose sign is all jacked up. I just blocked out the name on his school so my Mom wouldn't freak out and start sending me emails about pedophiles again.

Jim Croce Said It Best

Samuel starts preschool Wednesday morning and I find that my feelings have gone from "Wahoo, Samuel starts preschool tomorrow" to "Really? My baby starts preschool tomorrow?" Now I know it isn't kindergarten or high school and I know its only 2 mornings a week but it feels like the start of something big. Actually, it feels like the end of something and I can't keep the tears from falling.

I'm a writer which means I inherently hate cliches but I can't help but ask, "Wasn't it just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital?"

And maybe tomorrow feels a little sad because I know it is just the beginning of Samuel's journey. I know that when I drop him off tomorrow with his new jeans and shiny backpack it will be just the start of waving goodbyes.

So tonight at bedtime I held him longer than I usually do. I touched his soft skin and buried my head into his neck and let his curly hair tickle my cheeks. I drank in his smell and tried to memorize the way his tiny little body felt in my arms. He asked me, "Mama, you sad?" I answered, "A little bit. A happy sad." He replied, "That doesn't make any sense." and my laughter broke the moment. I kissed him and then made him promise he would call me every day of his adult life. Not knowing what he was promising, he happily obliged.

Again, I wonder, wasn't it just yesterday I was bringing this miracle home from the hospital?

From this....

...to this! Pooping, smiling cowboy at Nana's!

....or this! 'Cars' obsessed cutie.

...or this. My beloved Samuel Edward.

Photographic Proof of Why We May

Never Be Invited Back to Nana's

Exhibit A

Emily, after having dumped salt and pepper (and water) all

over Nana's kitchen table and floor

Exhibit B
Cross-dressing, furniture jumping midgets

Childhood Truths

by Samuel

It has come to my attention that my loving mother has been trying to donate me to science. Well guess what Mom? I'm going to tuck this little nugget away and someday when you are old and grey, you need to be spoon fed

and your bladder is failing I will pull this little trump card out...

"Oh Mom, I'd love to have you come live with us but

I was thinking of donating you to science instead".

Science-Schmience

I called all around today and no one is accepting donations of 3 year olds. You can be paid for your plasma but no one, and I mean no one, will take a 3 year old off your hands. And so much for science; they will take 2 year olds and they will take 4 year olds but gave me a firm "not on your life" when I said he was potty trained and came with his own scooter.

Only 8 more months until he's 4. And so help me...if things don't change when he turns 4 then EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO PROMISED ME it gets better when they turn 4 better watch out because I will have a score to settle.

Tidbits

Bug asked me last week how my gardening was going and I realized I hadn't put anything on the blog about it in a really long time. I'd like to tell you that I've been receiving a ton of emails requesting information on my garden but I haven't. Not a one. And to punish you for your lack of interest I'm going to write about it. All week long. Every day, every post.

No, come back. Cooooooome back. Alright, we'll compromise--just the one gardening post today.

Here's Samuel with some of our early bounty. A delicious zucchini who found a home in Neighbor Melissa's spaghetti sauce, one tasty cuke that I ate with a little salt while I made lunch one day and basil that sat in my fridge until the leaves turned brown and I threw it away. I had hoped to make pesto with it. Don't cry for my basil; I have more basil than I know what to do with. If I weren't so lazy and if pine nuts grew on trees I would start my own pesto processing plant. That's how much basil I have.

Ah, another lovely cucumber accompanied by a lemon cucumber. I love, love, love lemon cucumbers which is a good thing because I have a lot of them. The kids like to pick them and eat them like apples. Hooray for lemon cucumbers!

Here's a fun fact: I am growing zucchini in very, lets say, interesting shapes. Two words: Doctor Ruth.

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And just because its my blog and I can do what I want, here are some pictures of my really cute kids. I'm actually just posting pictures of them as reverse psychology because right now I WANT TO BEAT SAMUEL WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE. It is 9:30 and he has just come down stairs for at least the 12th time. Jeff told him he needed to get some sleep because he was going to be tired and cranky tomorrow. Samuel's response: "That doesn't make any sense".

Where does he come up with this stuff?

Baby Emily looking all sweet and sassy in her sunglasses. And seriously, how cute is that outfit? If I were to completely lose what little good sense I have and wear an outfit like that out in public I would be arrested. Arrested, put away for life, and forced to watch episodes of What Not to Wear 24/7. Stacy London makes me want to ram screwdrivers in my ears so that coupled with what little good sense I have, keeps me from wearing an outfit like this.

Reverse psychology. Not working.

Still not working...very glad his Dad is dealing with him right now.

Ok, how tired do you have to be to fall asleep while eating? I fell asleep at Disney World once but I have never fallen asleep eating. 3 year olds are an enigma to me. I'm thinking of donating this one to science.

Starting to Figure It Out

The precious first born of mine that we call Samuel is spirited. You're all familiar with the crazy things he's always saying which I take as a sign of sheer genius but for as quick witted as he is and as wickedly smart as he is, he is pretty much socially retarded. I say that with as much love as a mother can have for her child but its the truth. I'm certain much of it comes from the fact that he's never done the daycare scene and hasn't been old enough for preschool until this coming Fall. Plus, he's a first child. Plus, he's only 3. Plus, he's nuts.

Regardless, the kid can throw a tantrum like nobody's business. He's got this high pitched scream that can clear a room. If there is life on another planet they can hear Samuel's screaming--that's how loud it is. And if there is life on another planet and they are planning on coming to earth, killing all human life form and keeping Planet Earth as their own they are now rethinking that because they have heard Samuel's screaming and it has pierced their ears and struck fear in their hearts and any human who can scream like that is too much for them to take.

So in one regard, thank you Samuel for single handedly saving us from evil other life forms hell bent to destroy us. On the other hand, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY PLEASE TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH YOU LITTLE KNUCKLEHEAD. MY EARS ARE BLEEDING AND I'M ON THE VERGE OF SLAPPING YOU RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINCO.

Ok, so here's where I get to the little nugget of where I am learning, albeit slowly, of what it means to put my children before myself. I have a Bible study at my house every Thursday morning with 3 dear friends. They all bring their kids and we have my 12 year old neighbor boy watch 7 kids under 6 (I know that is almost criminal but he likes the extra money and we're just in the other room if they try tying him up...). So anyway, back to my story, we had friends over for dinner last night and Samuel didn't get to bed until almost 9:45 verses his usual 7:30. Yikes. And so this morning, my very sweet on-a-good-day-not-a-morning-person son was done. I mean, like super-over- cooked-give-it-to-the-dog done. He was crying, rubbing his eyes, crying, hitting his sister, crying, couldn't decide on what video he wanted to watch, crying, holding his penis 'cause had to pee but was crying too hard to go, and crying.

After talking to the other ladies we decided it would be best if we cancelled this morning (Shannon's actual words upon hearing Samuel screaming in the background: "I'm not comin' over".) If Samuel is already strugging with being a good friend why would I subject him to other children on a morning when I know he's not emotionally capable of dealing. It would be setting up him to fail; I might as well put him in a timeout in his room right now because that's where he would end up. Of course putting him in a pre-emptive time out would eliminate the arm pulling, body dragging that would certainly accompany the time out following him hitting Claire over the head with a sandbox shovel.

Here are the two lessons I'm taking away from this morning's cancellation. For the record, neither came from me but from two people way smarter than me, one of who is of course, Sensei Jen Roth. 1) When we put our kids in difficult situations (i.e. keeping them up past their bedtime for our dinner guests) we have to show extra grace. It is not Samuel's fault he's tired and as a result grumpy and whiny. It would be easier on both of us, not to mention gracious, for me not to do everything that I am able to help ease him through the morning until he can get a good, fat nap in.

2) Recognize the difference between immaturity (developmentally normal immaturity) and disobedience and react appropriately. Sometimes, not all the times, Samuel just can't handle the social situations I put him in because he's just not emotionally mature enough to handle them. He's still little and figuring out the best way to handle frustration and anger without hitting or throwing himself on the floor. Its my job to be patient and give him the tools to figure it out. (By the way, I'm still trying to figure out what those tools are. I'm not ok with Samuel's tantrums and I don't want him to evolve in to a crazy brat that no one likes to be around but I'm confident this is just a stage and we'll get through it together with a lot of love, patience and tequila).

So that's it and I gotta go because Roo needs her diaper changed. And you know how much I love to chase her around just to catch her and have her flip out because God forbid I'm going to give her a nice dry diaper instead of the urine soaked one she's happily wearing right now...This post begs the question, What is up with my kids?? Seriously. They are trying to kill me, I just know it.


Don't let me forget to tell you about Samuel's playdate with Jackson earlier in the week and the lesson I learned about forgiveness.

p.s. I'm editing this 10 minutes later because I got distracted with M's diaper and forgot to add one point. God has blessed me this morning for showing kindness and grace to Samuel. Instead of having to get myself ready for Bible study I was able to snuggle in pajamas on the couch and watch Bob the Builder. The three of us snuggled and kissed and had breakfast. He came right out of his foul mood and we went outside and the kids played in the sandbox, in their pajamas, while I wrote this post. Samuel, while still needing a monster nap, is in a great mood. He's loving, affectionate and showing kindness to his sister. I firmly believe had I pressed on with the Bible study and mongo playdate it would have been a different story.

Yes I have had a sinus infection but the reason why I haven't been blogging isn't because of that. I haven't been blogging because I have been so busy answering questions. Samuel's questions. From the mundane to the brilliant here are is a list of some of the questions I've been answering lately.

• Mama, why does Daddy go to work?
• Mama, why do we go outside?
• Mama, why is our car silver?
• Mama, why is our house brown?
• Mama, why can't I see God?
• Mama, why does the sun come in windows?
• Mama, why is Emmy a girl?
• Mama, why is Nana living far away?
• Mama, why does Abigail wear big girl panties?
• Mama, why is Hailey a cat?
• Mama, why do you cook on a stove?

Seriously...from the minute I wake up in the morning to the minute I put him to bed, I hear Samuel's little questions. I always answer them but sometimes its through gritted teeth. :) Today we were coming home from the grocery store and he was firing questions at me and after I answered the last one I said, "Samuel, can we have some quiet time and can you please not ask me any questions until we get home?" Samuel's response: "Mama, why don't you want me to ask you questions?".

You can't make that stuff up.