I'm Sorry Michael Landon But Its Football Season

I'll be honest, I'm surprised we last this long.

Tomorrow the cable is getting turned back on.

We are no longer going All Little House on the Prairie on You as of tomorrow between 12 and 2. Which means I will finally have a good reason for ignoring my children in the middle of the day. Hallelujah and Hello Oprah.

Hot Jeff and I learned some valuable lessons while going All Little House on the Prairie on You, lessons we're hoping to implement in to our with-cable-lifestyle. For sure we will not be channel surfing and for sure we will continue to be deliberate about the shows we watch and when we watch them. I got a free DVR with the package so that makes being deliberate easy. I mean how many times have you skipped a bedtime story because American Idol was starting? Too many times to count, right? The DVR is really saving children's literacy if you ask me.

So as much as I enjoyed all the butter churning it will be really nice not to go to Hot Jeff's parents house to watch an OSU game. It will be really nice not to have to steal cable from Melissa's boys' room to watch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. And to celebrate: BIG, HUGE Grey's season finale party at my house in May--mark it down baby!

Forgive Michael Landon, forgive me.

Domestic Domination

I have had Jessica Seinfeld's "Deceptively Delicious" on my recipe book shelf for over 2 years without ever even opening it. Yep, 2 years. I got the book as a gift when I was pregnant with Emily and I had good intentions of being all sneaky with my vegetables but lets face it: I'm lazy. I'm also a terrible housekeeper but that is beside the point.

The 5 a Day hand idea has been ridiculously clever and the kids are having fun with it (and it is helping to get them eat fruits and veggies) but I still don't think they are getting enough. Nor would any pediatrician. Or dietitian. Or any other -ian's. So this weekend I busted out the book, my blender and made a little trip to the grocery store. And I'm not gonna lie--the kids come by it naturally because I AM NOT KIDDING YOU I had to ask a lady shopping near me, "Is this a sweet potato?"

Saturday night after the kids went to bed I spent 2 hours steaming and pureeing vegetables. Butternut squash, cauliflower, broccoli, spinach, carrots, sweet potatoes and avocado.

Let me pause for a minute to make a plea...
Dear Magic Bullet Folks,
My blender is from hell. Satan literally resides in my blender. I need a Magic Bullet. Kara says I need one and so does Jessica Seinfeld. If Jessica Seinfeld says I need one then I must really need one. I know I'm not a famous blogger but if you send me a Magic Bullet I will blog about you in every post. Seriously, every post I write I will somehow fit in a way to say how much I love my Magic Bullet.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Henderson, a mother who desperately needs/wants a Magic Bullet

After I pureed the veggies I divided the puree up into 1/4 cups and put them in snack size ziplocs and then I put all the bags in to one big gallon size freezer bad. So now my freezer is plum full of 7 large freezer bags full of pureed veggies.

It truly was two of my finest hours and it got me all misty eyed thinking of my glory days when I used to make my kids' baby food. I know, its true. I really did make their baby food. It surprises me too and I'm the one who did it.

Now I know I've got my haters out there who will criticize me for hiding vegetables in my kids' food. They will say its deceitful and how will they ever learn to eat healthful food if they don't know it and blah, blah, blah. I'm sure my haters will say that I lie to my kids about Santa Clause so this was just the natural progression in my big web of deception I disguise as parenting. To them I just say this: SUCK IT. No, I mean it, really you can just suck it. The night after I spent 120 minutes pureeing vegetables until my kitchen's windows were wet from steam and my blender was smoking (no lie) my kids ate pancakes for breakfast with carrots snuck into them. They also ate a whole banana each and chased it with some yogurt. For a snack they had a cheesy quesadilla with pureed beans spread sneakily on the tortilla under the cheese. For lunch: mini-pizza with spinach tucked quietly into the sauce. Afternoon snack was some organic, gluten free granola bar that they love and have no idea is good for them and strawberries (I've been doing those for a couple of weeks now). Dinner was homemade chicken nuggets battered with pureed sweet potatoes and cauliflower and panko breadcrumbs with steamed carrots and homemade bread and finally, their bedtime snack was an applesauce muffin I had made earlier in the day that had butternut squash baked into it. Yummy. They ate awesome without complaining and Hot Jeff and I were thrilled at all the yummy vegetables they had eaten without knowing or without complaining.

My theory on this, besides that I just don't care and am going to keep on doing it, is that they will acquire a taste for these items because IT IS IN THE FOOD. Secondly, I just don't care and am going to keep on doing it. Third, at some point they will get old like me and know they need to eat their vegetables so they don't keel over at 55 and they will buck up, throw some garlic on them and eat up.

I'd like to give a shout out to Gigi also. Gigi was sneaking vegetables into food before sneaking vegetables into food was cool. Gigi used to put zucchini into her brownies. Ok, I hear you...yes, it was because she had a surplus of zucchini and not because she gave a rip about nutrition but nevertheless, Gigi was sneaking vegetables into food before it was cool. Woot, woot Gigi.

Today was Day Two of Deceptively Delicious and it has gone great. Today is Samuel's 4th birthday and he requested macaroni and cheese for dinner. I know better than to make it homemade so I made the blue box kind he so dearly loves but I snuck in pureed carrots! No one knew except for me and I don't eat that crap!

While I was doing all my muffin baking this weekend (I also made peanut butter and banana muffins with carrots in them) I got nostalgic for my bread making days up in Alaska and have made several loaves of fresh whole wheat bread! I'm now on an unrealistic quest to feed my family homemade bread. We'll see how that goes. That is taking the Going all Little House on the Prairie thing a little far and I may have to start channeling Laura Ingalls Wilder so I'll keep you posted on that. I do have 2 loaves rising right now though.

Please don't lose all hope in me though. I may be changing the way we all eat around here and makin' my own bread and crazy stuff like that but there is still 3 loads of laundry on the couch that need to be folded and put away and my bathrooms still look like they belong in a frat house. Don't worry--at my core I'm still lazy and would rather be on Facebook than in the kitchen.

The Hulu Purity Promise

So, maybe I was wound a little tight last night. I don't hate all of you. I mean, I don't hate all of you anymore. Last night the hatred was pretty palpable.

I re-read my original Going all Little House on the Prairie on You post and I love, I mean LOVE that I said I was going to study and blog and clean while not watching TV. Studying, blogging and cleaning is not what I did last night. In fact, last night was the most non-productive night of my life. All I could do was wander around and moan. It was this weird-pain-in-my-side-does-she-have-kidney-stones moan and my family seriously thought I had eaten bad Chinese food. After my family realized I had not eaten bad Chinese food and I did not need to have my stomach pumped they all just went to bed. I think I was instrumental in that putting the kids down process but honestly I do not remember.

After the kids went to bed I kept up with the wandering, blogged that rancorous post and then would randomly get on ABC.com and curse at it. I tried to clean, I tried to study but I couldn't concentrate long enough to make any of it productive. Again, more moaning.

I tried to go to bed before 11:00 but I just couldn't. I was waiting, hoping that at 11, after Grey's had aired on TV, they would post it on ABC.com or Hulu. No luck. I checked every few minutes until 12:30. That's when I finally went to bed and, of course, couldn't sleep. How could I? So many unanswered questions (see last night's post). It was while I was laying there I decided that waiting to watch Grey's on Friday is a lot like waiting to have sex until you get married.

Of course, there is all the hype. For months you're getting the teasers. Then there is the anticipation: is it going to be as good as I've hoped. Will it be worth the wait? There is the Everyone-Else-Is-Doing-It factor, and that right there is enough to make you crack.

Finally, after the sleepless "night before" the time comes and all the exciting foreplay like getting the kids cereal and threatening them with their lives if they disturb you leaves you at THIS moment. This glorious moment in time when the Space Needle comes on screen in a foggy Seattle morning haze and Meredith's voice over begins, "According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross when one goes through a catastrophic loss...".

Let me say this friends: it was worth the wait. It was so worth the wait.

Bitter Beer Face

Can I just tell you how bitter I am? I am so bitter. Every woman in America is watching the Grey's Anatomy season premiere AT THIS VERY MOMENT and I am writing on this stupid blog. I am writing how Hot Jeff and I got all holier-than-thou and dumped our TV and oh-aren't-we-wonderful-parents and we-are-going-to-churn-our-own-butter-and-our-kids-will-be-so-smart-because-they-don't-watch-TV and it seemed like such a good idea in the Summer and it sounded ideal when JANA AVISON lied to me and told me I could stream TV live and now I can't breathe and somebody please come over and here and put me out of my misery because I have to wait until 2:00 TOMORROW to find out how Izzie is doing and why Derek is taking the Chief's job and what is going on with Owen and ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

At what point when you read we were going Little House on the Prairie on you did you realize that in just a few short months I would be blogging instead of watching Grey's live? And why didn't you come over here and throw yourself in front of the cable box I was disconnecting and tell me that only over YOUR DEAD BODY would you let me disconnect the ONE SOURCE for me to watch the Grey's Anatomy premiere on September 24th?

Upon reading my freak out session on Facebook a friend wrote "Oh Jen, I love your candor. You are so relatable". You know who you are MIA WHITE and for the love of everything holy why didn't you drive over here pick me up and take me to your home to watch it? BETH ARMSTRONG--you are right next door. Can't you hear the screeching? Do you not see the emergency vehicles arriving at my home to give me CPR and pull my gnarled fingers from Jeff's neck? For the record Beth, I was going to march on over there and make you let me watch it but Jeff told me that was "tacky". Tacky? Clearly Jeff hasn't lost all ability to reason like I have because AT THIS VERY MOMENT people across America are watching Izzie stroke George's dead hand as a tear trickles down her cancer stricken, just coded, back from the dead face.

So let me be clear: I hate all of you right now.

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I can't even think clearly enough to write about Samuel's first day of preschool but I will say this: he had a great time and tonight at dinner we got our first preschool lesson. "Mrs. Watson says at snack time we have to sit with our belly to the table". We all sat up straight and pushed our bellies to the table. Well except Roo whose belly is too big. She managed to give us her trademark phrase though, "I'm Buzz" (as in Buzz Lightyear).

No, we are not sending Samuel to some ghetto preschool whose sign is all jacked up. I just blocked out the name on his school so my Mom wouldn't freak out and start sending me emails about pedophiles again.

Well Hot Jeff and I have decided to go and get all Little House on the Prairie on you. We got rid of our cable (AND free TV too). I wish I could tell you it is because of moral reasons but it really isn't. When I tell you how the whole thing started it will appear to be heading down the road of moral reasons but it isn't so don't get your hopes up.

Last week I was discussing with a group of girlfriends on Facebook whether or not Miley Cyrus is a tramp. You know, just your typical Facebook conversation. Portland BFF Leah commented, in passing, that she and her husband didn't have a TV FOR FIVE YEARS. Well that changed my thinking from whether or not M. Cyrus was a tramp or not to what would it be like in our house with no TV? We love TV. I mean LOVE TV. We put the kids down and we are all about whatever crap is on. And in the Fall when all the good shows come on...well, there's just no question where we'll be after 8:00. We've tried the whole lets-just-watch-less-TV-and-read-more-thing but that just never works for us because the television has a great and strong power over us.

So we're sitting around on Saturday morning playing with the midgets, reading the paper, not watching TV and I say to Hot Jeff, "Hey, let's get rid of our TV" and without blinking an eye he says, "Ok". Now I know I have red hot persuasion power over Hot Jeff but even this astounded me. So we called the cable company (and we'll save $80 a month!!!) and started the no TV journey.

Now I gotta tell you, just so you know, we STILL have the TV. We're keeping it so we can watch videos. We spent all day Sunday debating just getting rid of the whole darn thing but decided it will be nice to have if we EVER GET A BABYSITTER and have a date night. Its also nice when the midgets go ape crazy and the only thing you can do to keep yourself from killing them is to put them in front The Wiggles (and then you just want to kill yourself).

I think Hot Jeff's hopes are really up because he commented that he thinks its a good thing he got the vasectomy (oh yes I did just go there) but I actually think I'll also probably spend a lot of my time blogging (lucky you), reading, studying and churning my own butter. Please someone step in and do an intervention if I start using Opal Francis to sew my children's clothes. Can't you just see Hot Jeff going to work in a stunning new shirt with a tag sewn in it that says, "Handmade with Love"?