The Gee Whiz Spot

Come on now... G was all primed and ready to come back but we haven't had any questions submitted. What's the matter with you people? You all getting online and doing your own research?

I want to see some comments ladies. I've got one, just thought of it, you're welcome... Are underwire bras really hazardous to breast health? If you don't submit anything that is the question G is going to have to answer. Can you really sleep at night knowing THAT is the question for next week? Lame-o.

Ok, unrelated note: who is the the Anonymous commenter who doesn't like my new title but won't leave their name? I'm not going to publically mock you (well not for longer than a week) and I promise not to turn my legion of fans on you. You can't say you don't love the new title and then not leave your name!

Also, I say no more anonymous comments anymore period. If you don't have an account, sign in as anonymous but then leave your name (unless you're leaving a G Spot question then please remain anonymous because I don't want to think about your vaginal dryness when I see you at the park).

I really have no way to enforce this and I'm only requesting. You know what you could do? Make up a fake name and then I get super excited thinking I have readers who I don't actually know. Oh and on this topic: shout out to "Rod Stewart". That's some nice referencing to prior blogs and you are my star commenter for the week. Well played.

Lastly, why do I get like 14 comments on oyster crackers on my Facebook page but hardly any on my blog? This is rhetorical but feel free to comment anyway.

Cluck, cluck.

The G Spot
Your Questions, Real Answers

Dear G Spot,
What's your opinion on the Fertility Awareness Method?
Signed,
All Natural in Newark

Dear All Natural in Newark,

What's my opinion on the Fertility Awareness Method....now there is a loaded question. I have a fairly strong opinion on it and I'm not sure that it's one you're going to like but since you ask, I think that it's a big fat waste of your time and you could be having a whole lot more fun making whoopie anytime you wanted to with a more effective form of birth control. You asked.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Fertility Awareness Method, let me give you a brief rundown. The essential ingredient is being very aware of your body and subtle changes that occur cyclically. You track your basal body temperature, your vaginal secretions, the position of your cervix and your periods. Your basal body temperature is your temperature first thing every morning, same time every morning, before you get out of bed. A change in temperature of just a few tenths of a degree can indicate ovulation or the beginning of your more fertile time.

Your vaginal secretions also change cyclically as well and typically women have a dry spell after their period that is then followed by an increase in thin, watery secretions that coincide with ovulation and increased fertility. Your cervix also changes positions cyclically and doing regular manual exams (yes, with your own finger) can help you track the rise and fall and feel of your cervix. During ovulation, the cervix is at it's highest position and is more soft than it is during other times.

The easiest part of this method is tracking your periods from day one, which is the first day of any kind of bleeding, to day one of the next period. The total number of days from day one to day one is the number of days in your menstrual cycle. The idea is that you take all of this information, put it together and identify your most fertile times and avoid sex during that time in order to avoid pregnancy.

Okay, now let's talk about why all of that is a really bad idea if you're seriously interested in preventing pregnancy.

First of all, in order for this method of birth control to be effective, you have to have done your homework. You need to spend eight to ten months tracking your basal body temperature, your vaginal secretions, the movement of your cervix, and your periods. It's important to do this over a long enough period of time to establish averages. If you take info from just one or two months, you don't have a clear picture of your own cyclical changes and you could be putting all of your money in the wrong bank. Who wants to wait eight to ten months to practice safe sex!?!?!? If you are a virginal bride to be, you should be getting to know your in-laws, spending quality time with a good premarital counselor who can help you prepare for a healthy marriage, and you should be sampling cake at every local bakery even though you know your Aunt Ida will be making yours. You should not be spending your time graphing your vaginal mucous and reaching your fingers into your poor vagina to see if you can track the travels of your cervix!

For the record, most women cannot reach their own cervix. It's a tricky little devil to find and bent all the way over, twisted into some sort of pretzel shape, with your arm fully extended is not the best way to feel it.

Second of all, who wakes up at the exact same time every day, including weekends? Who slumbers peacefully every night and wakes up with their hair tossed on the pillow and their bladder calmly waiting for them to take and record their basal body temperature? For that matter, who has a thermometer and a pen on their bedside table that did not get knocked off or carried away by a small child? If you get out of bed first, the temperature that you record is null and void - it may be elevated by all of the exertion you put forth going to the bathroom and finding your pen.

Thirdly, let's talk vaginal secretions. While it is good for all of us to be aware of our body and the secretions that come from it - good and bad - I'd like us to take a look at how much time is appropriate to be devoting to the study of vaginal secretions. Do you exercise every day? Do you floss every day? Do you spend time in God's word every day? If you answered no to any of those questions, I think that you should think long and hard about committing to daily study of your vaginal secretions. Personally, I would rather get on the elliptical machine every morning than rub my own vaginal secretions between my fingers every day in order to determine if they are stickier than the day before - and I work in healthcare!

Fourthly, tracking the travels of your cervix is absolutely insane! If you eat steel cut oatmeal every morning, milk your own goat, and have harnessed the illusive power that it takes to feel your own cervix, good for you. Personally, I don't see the need to know when my cervix is coming down into the vagina for a quick peek at the sun and when it is moving back up into the highlands for a spiritual retreat. I do not want to know if it is hard like an apple or soft like a peach, I just want to eat my fruit.

Tracking periods, now that's something that I can get behind - finally! It's good to know your own menstrual cycle. It helps you know when things are normal for you and not normal for you. When planning a sunny vacation, it helps to know when you can expect your Aunt Flo and plan around her. And, it's easy. All you have to do is make a marking of some kind on your calendar the first day you have any vaginal bleeding. Next month, you do the same thing and then count the number of days from day one to day one and bam - you know how long your cycle is.

I'm not a hater of all things natural and I do believe that most natural things in life are better for us. But, I also believe that more sex is good for us too and a birth control method like the fertility awareness method asks you not to have sex approximately one third of the month - you can spend the next eight to ten months plotting your graphs and charting your rising and falling or you can just take my word for it. I also believe that orgasm is hard to achieve for a lot of women and putting so much thought into your birth control keeps your head in a linear, concrete, logical place that is kind of hard to get out of and isn't conducive to the head space you need to be in to achieve a really great orgasm. I also believe that you should be able to initiate or respond to your husband's invitation to sex any time the mood strikes. I also believe that there are lots and lots of other safe and effective options out there that are more reliable and require less of your time.

There may be those of you out there who have been taught that any form of birth control is morally and Biblically wrong and something like the fertility awareness method is the only thing between you and a full-sized club wagon. I would challenge you to read the scriptures for yourself. Find a passage that condemns birth control, I don't think that you will but lots of good research time in the Word is always good. When you come to Revelation and still haven't found what you're looking for, let me know - I would love to introduce you to a loving Father who calls you to live in freedom......so ponder that.

The G Spot

My question is about dryness issues. I have tried different types of lubricants, but none of them seem to last for the entire experience. I usually have to reapply at least once before my husband and I, shall we say, reach the "grand finale". What can I do?
- Dry in Denver

Dear Dry in Denver, thanks for your great question. Like all of the other questions we've addressed in this blog-spot, you pose a question that many, many other women are wondering about so thank you for womaning-up and asking it!

Vaginal dryness can be a really bothersome issue. It can make sex unpleasant or downright painful and it can make your vagina an unhappy place on a regular basis. There are several causes of vaginal dryness and several things that you can do it address it - you do NOT have to just "deal" with a sandpaper between your legs sensation for the rest of your life.

One thing that can cause vaginal dryness is menopause. If that's your situation in Denver then listen up. Estrogen is really the life-giving source to the vagina. Estrogen is what makes your vagina a lush and inviting environment and your uterus a fertile ground. Like we talked about a couple of weeks ago, menopause is an estrogen killer and it wants nothing more than to rob your vagina of it's life-giving source and leave it a cracked and barren wasteland. You need to arm yourself and take back your vagina! If vaginal dryness is your only issue, you can take a localized approach. Vitamin E capsules can be inserted in the vagina, one every night at bedtime. Overnight, the capsule dissolves and the vitamin E is absorbed locally and nourishes your vaginal tissue. You can add natural estrogens to your diet by eating soybeans and other soy based products. So, take your husband out for Chinese food, load up on the Edemame and take him home for a fabulous roll in the hay. Okay, it doesn't work that quickly but increasing dietary estrogen will ultimately increase the amount of estrogen in your system which will ultimately replenish your dry and unhappy vagina. If you've eaten enough soy beans to support a farmer and his family and you have so many vitamin E capsules shoved up your vagina that you wonder if there would even be room for a penis and you're still experiencing dryness issues, you're going to have to woman up again and pay a visit to your local gynecologist. He or she may prescribe an estrogen cream that you apply directly to the vagina and the labia. I have it on good authority from patients and a personal friend that the prescription estrogen cream can be the golden ticket to bringing the action back to your bedroom.

If you're not in any stage of menopause and are in fact 32, have 6 small kids at home, drink 4 cans of diet coke a day, and can run circles around any old lady you know but also experience vaginal dryness, you too are not alone. Menopause isn't the only thing that causes vaginal dryness - see you were worried for a moment that you are in fact a freak of nature, but you're not. First of all, all of the above stuff can work for you too so try the edemame, the vitamin E capsules, and the prescription estrogen cream. Also try putting down your 4 cans of diet coke.....WHAT?!?!?!? Seriously. While caffeine may seem like your only answer to getting through the day with 6 small kids at home, it's also a diuretic which is a fancy way of saying its a dehydrator. Yep, the same diet coke that makes you pee a lot and doesn't exactly make your skin look luminous can dry up your vagina so think carefully about how much caffeine you're taking in every day. You've also got to think about hygiene and drying chemicals that you may be exposing your vagina to. If you didn't read the first blog-spot and you haven't put down your summer breezes vagina spray - do it now! Those feminine sprays and douches are damaging to the delicate vaginal tissue and they can be very drying. If you take your kids to the local pool every afternoon in hopes of losing one or two of them in the crowd, you might be overexposing your vagina to harsh chlorine that can also be very drying.

Make sure that you and your husband are spending enough time on sex and getting in plenty of foreplay. Foreplay is critical for a woman and is the part of the sexual experience that cues the body to provide adequate lubrication. If you're not warmed up enough, you're not going to be lubed up enough - bottom line. If you've tried all of the things I've mentioned and you're only experiencing vaginal dryness during intercourse and you are spending plenty of time on foreplay then you're already doing the right thing - bringing in the lube. Use a good quality lubricant though and in my opinion, that wouldn't be anything that starts with a kay and ends with a why. Look for Astroglide or an equivalent, while it may be a bit more expensive it's also more like your own natural lubrication and works better. I think that your vagina deserves the best and if you don't, you should ponder that...

The G Spot
Your Questions, Real Answers

Dear G Spot,
I'm loving my 30's but am already dreading my 40's when all THOSE changes start. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about not having a period; I'm just not excited about all the other stuff that comes with it. To make matters worse, I have no idea what that stuff is. Questions abound.
Signed, Apprehensive and Excited in Salem

Dear Apprehensive and Excited,
It sure does seem like women spend their entire lives dealing with change in their own bodies, doesn't it? As a hallmark to the end of childhood, just when you've mastered the art of walking and chewing gum at the same time, you sprouted "breast buds" that completely threw off your center of balance and you started bleeding from a part of your body that still seemed unspeakable.

As a teen, the buds blossomed and you got comfortable enough with the bleeding vagina to give it nicknames and talk about it with your friends which made you, "feel like a woman". Maybe in your 20's you got married and you discovered that the body you had spent so many years getting comfortable with was an entirely different body, one you'd never even met let alone lived in,when in the hands of you new husband came.

If my guess is right, just when you felt like you had your groove going, a living, breathing, alien-creature took up residence in your body and suddenly your body contorted and changed in ways that made you feel both awe-struck and a little bit disgusted.

Maybe now you're in another one of those beautiful phases of life where you are totally in-tune with your body. You know exactly what to do with and expect from the body that belongs to you and your always on stand-by dead sexy husband. However, there looms in the distance the fear of the next phase that is so monumental that it's no longer referred to as "a" change but "The" change.

Personally, I'm a firm believer that women are so skilled at dealing with their changing body that the phrase, "the change" should be banished from your vocabulary. Call it "a change" if you must but if you want to look cool in front of your friends, call it "the menopausal transition".

Then get super hip to the lingo and throw out phrases like peri-menopausal and post-menopausal and phytoestrogens, and please, please don't start using phrases like bioidentical hormones unless you really, really know what you're talking about. If you use that one only because you heard it on Oprah, you will be the woman whose gyno just shakes their head, unless of course your gyno watches Oprah too when they should be reading the most recent publication from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists....I digress.

What most women think of as menopause is actually peri-menopause. It is during peri-menopause that you may notice changes with your period - cycles that are longer, flow that is heavier or lighter, unpredictability when you used to set your calendar to your body and the like.

You may also experience changes with your vagina - the same vagina that first learned to accommodate a tampon and later became so versatile that it could accommodate either your husband's penis or your child's head may suddenly shudder at the thought of anything touching it's dry and paper-thin tissue. You may also experience changes in your mood - increased sensitivity, decreased sensitivity, tearfulness, or if you're like my mom was, a complete loss of your mental faculties and a need for a 12-step program to address your new anger issue. You may also experience changes with your internal thermostat - you may find yourself wakened at night by a surge of heat followed up a bone-chilling sweat or you might need to dress in light layers like it's spring all the time because one minute you're hot and then next you're cold. The good news is, peri-menopause may only last a year. The bad news is, it may last for several years. The good news is you may only have a couple of these symptoms. The bad news is, you may have them all. My guess is that if you are one of those women who quote, "has a fast metabolism" you'll probably also be one of those women who quote, "didn't even notice when my periods stopped" - that theory isn't based on medical evidence though, just life observation from the back of the boob line.

A woman is considered to be peri-menopausal until she hasn't had a period for an entire year. That means if you haven't had a period in 8 months but then are blessed with one out of the blue while wearing white pants at your parents' anniversary party, you start the clock all over again. Once you make it past that 12 month mark and you haven't had a period in over a year, you are considered post-menopausal.

So, when exactly did "menopause" happen? Menopause is technically defined as the permanent cessation of menstruation. Honestly, after more than a decade as a womens' health medical professional, the best I can figure,the moment of menopause is the moment you reach the 12 months without a period mark. So, keep track of that date, plan a party, get a pedicure, go out with your girlfriends and when people ask you what you're celebrating tell them, "it's my menopause".

The burning question for most women in their 30's is, "when will I start going through menopause?" - which you now know should be phrased, "when will I begin the menopausal transition?". The scientific answer is, "go ask your mother". No really, talk to your mom and your aunts and your grandmother if you can. Find out when they first started experiencing symptoms of peri-menopause. Unless you have medical issues that make your situation significantly different than other women in your family, chances are that you will have a similar experience with timing as they did. The average age of menopause in the US is 51 and menopause before age 40 is considered premature menopause. So, if you're 30 you have either 10 good years left or 10 long years to wait, depending on your perspective. So ponder that.....


Please leave a question for upcoming weeks. You know you have one so stop being a chicken and ask it. Remain anonymous if you must.

The G Spot
(Regular Edition)

How do I help my husband keep his ejaculation longer? He's great during foreplay but as soon as there is penetration he ejaculates; is there something he or I can do to make intercourse last longer?

Thanks,
Wanting More in Baltimore

Dear Wanting More,
Hold on to your knickers because I've got an answer for you but it's not for the faint of heart!

First of all, let me say that The G Spot does not endorse or approve of "sexual relations" outside the context of holy matrimony, you know the whole solemn vow before God and witnesses thing. The good Lord created the G spot (not referring to this blog feature) and I'm guessing that He hoped that you would find it and find it often but I haven't come across anywhere in the Bible where He talks about finding it with just any Joe on the street.

If you don't believe me, may I direct you to the Song of Solomon or as I like to call it, God's Guide to Getting It On. So, if you're experiencing this "problem" outside the context of holy matrimony, my advice to you is to quit shaggin' what you ought not be shaggin' and get yourself into a Bible study. If on the other hand you are trying to achieve a sort of sexual utopia with your hunky husband than I suggest you keep reading :)

Let me clarify your question a bit. I don't think that you want your husband's ejaculation to last longer because that would just be...well....a lot. I'm thinking that you're really hoping that he can stay a bit longer in that awesome state of arousal that comes before ejaculation. You are not alone and your husband isn't either. Seriously, about one third of men experience what you're describing which is called premature ejaculation. "Premature" doesn't mean that he has a little bitty baby penis, it means he gets the job done ahead of schedule and under his original bid. If you were working on a kitchen remodel that would be awesome but since you're probably working on that sometimes elusive female orgasm, it's what I like to call "no bueno".

Understand that while premature ejaculation is very common, it's not something that guys banter about in the locker room or on the links and it's likely to be a touchy subject for your husband. Be loving and sensitive to that and be sure to let him know that you're not dissatisfied and in fact are so excited about what he has to offer during foreplay that you'd like the good times to go on and on and on....Anyway, speaking of touchy, you've got to get comfortable with touchy because you're going to be doing a lot of it if you want to help your husband and believe me, you want to help your husband with this :)

You need to understand a little bit about the male sexual experience in order to better understand what's going on and your role in changing things for the better. The female sexual experience can be looked at as a rolling, gentle curve with valleys and peaks that get higher and higher and....well you know where I'm going....The male sexual experience can be looked at as a more boxy, linear line that goes straight up (no pun intended), turns to the right and then shoots off the chart. That turn to the right is called a plateau phase and it's the phase where your guy is fully aroused but has not yet experienced an orgasm or ejaculation. In your situation the plateau phase doesn't last as long as you'd like it to so you've got to help train your husband and his boys to stay in the plateau stage for as long as you need him to. Bake cookies or a pie, that always tends to make men stick around a little longer....Seriously, an easy training method is called the start and stop technique.

I know, you'd think this would be easy for guys since they are always starting a project or flipping to a new channel and then getting side tracked and leaving it for later but with sex, it's a whole different thing.....In order to use this training method you're going to have to go to that touchy place where you're comfortable putting your hands on your husband's penis. If you're not comfortable putting your hands on your husband's penis then I might have a whole other blog topic coming.....anyway....The idea of the start/stop technique is that you start manually stimulating the penis and bring your husband to a complete state of arousal, having him pay very close attention to when he is approaching what is commonly referred to as "the point of no return". Just as he is approaching the "point of no return", stop what you're doing and allow him to retreat from that place a bit which usually takes about 30 seconds. Start working your magic and once again bring your husband just to that brink. Initially you may only be able to do this once or twice before he has to "tap out" shall we say, but after several sessions over several days, you should find that you have successfully prolonged that plateau stage. You can then take the technique and apply it during a full body sexual encounter, changing positions or backing off just a bit as your husband approaches the point of no return if you're not right there with him. Over time, you will most likely find that your husband is able to keep a steady pace with you and the two of you can fall back onto the covers with your hair messed up and a glassy look in your eyes, just like the couple on those terribly tasteless personal lubricant commercials.

A word of caution: Don't approach your husband in a pair of coveralls and a tool belt or a drill sergeant's uniform and a whistle and inform him that you guys have some work to do and he and his boys are going to be whipped into shape in no time. If you must go the tool belt route, make sure that you aren't wearing anything else and if there needs to be a whistle, make sure it's a sort of cat call that let's your guy know that you think he's drop dead sexy. Use plenty of lubrication and bring a healthy sense of humor and remember that while you hold your husband's penis in your hand you hold all of his pride as well so ponder that....

The G Spot
(Monday Edition)

Dear G Spot,
My vajay-jay is always so smelly! I shower once a day, use that FDA spray and wipe with those wonderful smelling female wipes and yet...kinda smelly. During my period it is actually better because I wear a tampon all the time. Should I start douching? I always heard that killed the good bacteria as well as the bad but is that advice for women who douche too often?
- Smelly in Seattle

Dear Smelly in Seattle,
Thanks for your great question.

Soooo many women wonder about this and I wish more of them would actually ask the question. If more women asked the question, we would have a lot more happy vagina's in the world.

Let me break it down for you...1) Your vagina is supposed to smell like vagina. It's not supposed to smell like lilacs or summer breezes so the first thing you need to do is evaluate your perspective. Do you think your vagina is "smelly" or do others including your husband think that it's "smelly"?

2) If, after you've polled your neighbors and your husband about the smell coming from your vagina, you determine that it is in fact "foul" you need to get that checked out. Let's be clear though, "foul odor" from the vagina is akin to the smell of something rotting or dying and is the kind of odor that makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little if you get a really strong whiff of it. Chances are that your husband wouldn't want to put his face anywhere near a "foul odor". If your vagina smells like a fish market, you also want to get that checked out. That means make an appointment with your local gynecologist and woman-up for the pants-down exam by a trained professional.

3) If, after you've polled your neighbors and your husband about the smell coming from your vagina, you determine that your vagina does in fact...smell like vagina. You need to relax.

There are some things that you can do to make your vagina the most hospitable and welcoming place that it can be: Stop using those sprays and wipes. They are evil and can damage the delicate tissue of your most secret place and forever change the pH balance of your vagina making it an awful, hateful place for penises - I know you don't want that! Do NOT squirt any kind of cleansing/perfuming douche up your vagina. If God had intended your vagina to smell like a summer breeze, it would. Since it doesn't, I can only imagine that God intended for it to smell like... vagina. Wear cotton underwear - it's not sexy but it's sexier than staanky vagina. Sleep without any underwear on and allow your vagina to breathe at night. After you shower, use a blow dryer on med/low heat for just a few seconds on your vagina. This will help dry the environment before you trap it in your pants all day.

So, if this smelliness of the vagina is relatively new, it's possible that you have a bacterial infection. If it's something that you've noticed most of your adult life, it's probably just the smell of your vagina. Don't be too quick to try to get rid of that smell. As gross as it is to us, the vagina smell is actually full of pheromones and is part of what attracts men to the vagina. Ponder that....

Got a question for The G Spot? Leave a comment, keep anonymous if it makes you feel more comfortable!



The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this web site is for general information purposes only. All Things Henderson and The G Spot make no representation and assumes no responsibility for the accuracy of information contained on or available through this web site, and such information is subject to change without notice. You are encouraged to confirm any information obtained from or through this web site with other sources, and review all information regarding any medical condition or treatment with your physician. NEVER DISREGARD PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE OR DELAY SEEKING MEDICAL TREATMENT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE READ ON OR ACCESSED THROUGH THIS WEB SITE.

All Things Henderson and The G Spot do not recommend, endorse or make any representation about the efficacy, appropriateness or suitability of any specific tests, products, procedures, treatments, services, opinions, health care providers or other information that may be contained on or available through this web site. All Things Henderson and The G Spot ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE NOR LIABLE FOR ANY ADVICE, COURSE OF TREATMENT, DIAGNOSIS OR ANY OTHER INFORMATION, SERVICES OR PRODUCTS THAT YOU OBTAIN THROUGH THIS WEB SITE.

Introducing Something Really Fabulous

As you may have noticed I don't have nearly the time to blog as much as I would like to. And I do miss it and more than missing blogging I hate Christy Lowry's hateful comments about how I never blog anymore. Hateful I say.

So I'm going to pull a little Oprah trick. I'm going to make a medical person famous by letting them be a guest on my show blog.

Last week I had a cooter question and so I asked one of my Besties, who happens to be a OBGYN nurse, the question. She emailed me back the most hilarious, yet informative, email I have ever read. Not only did it answer my question but it made me laugh. Out loud. And I don't mean 'lol' like the schoolers use but actually laughed out loud until I pee'd my pants a little bit (which could be a topic for her to talk about).

I'm not sure I want to use her real name because I'm afraid some crazy person will misuse her medical advice, die of cervical cancer and sue us; that's why you'll see some legal disclaimer on all of her guest posts. But she is fabulous and her name does start with a "G" which is how I came up with the genius name of her posts: The G Spot. Love it.

So here's how it will work: you send me questions through comments. G will read them and then answer them once a week (we still haven't settled on the day of the week her reoccurring posts will appear). This is your chance to ask anything regarding women's health: sexual, physical, emotional, mental, etc that you have questions about.

I only have one guy reader, that I know of, the fabulous Dr. Goose but he's a doctor so he shouldn't mind The G Spot. Plus, guys can ask questions about women's health too! Come on Goose, send them our way; Daisy will appreciate it.

For the rest of you, what are you curious about? Is something going on that's concerning you? Wondering if you need to see a doctor? Need advice about something--leave your question in the comments or email or Facebook me. Feel free to leave your name off and be "Anonymous", G will answer it either way.