Samuel starts preschool Wednesday morning and I find that my feelings have gone from "Wahoo, Samuel starts preschool tomorrow" to "Really? My baby starts preschool tomorrow?" Now I know it isn't kindergarten or high school and I know its only 2 mornings a week but it feels like the start of something big. Actually, it feels like the end of something and I can't keep the tears from falling.
I'm a writer which means I inherently hate cliches but I can't help but ask, "Wasn't it just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital?"
And maybe tomorrow feels a little sad because I know it is just the beginning of Samuel's journey. I know that when I drop him off tomorrow with his new jeans and shiny backpack it will be just the start of waving goodbyes.
So tonight at bedtime I held him longer than I usually do. I touched his soft skin and buried my head into his neck and let his curly hair tickle my cheeks. I drank in his smell and tried to memorize the way his tiny little body felt in my arms. He asked me, "Mama, you sad?" I answered, "A little bit. A happy sad." He replied, "That doesn't make any sense." and my laughter broke the moment. I kissed him and then made him promise he would call me every day of his adult life. Not knowing what he was promising, he happily obliged.
Again, I wonder, wasn't it just yesterday I was bringing this miracle home from the hospital?
...to this! Pooping, smiling cowboy at Nana's!