Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nappy No Mo'

Salon Sara called yesterday and said she had a new hair color she wanted to try on me. Lucky me it just happened to be the first Monday of my no-kids-on-Monday-mornings morning so I buzzed right over there.

Now I have to tangent right now on my hair or else the miracle of this story will be totally lost on you. My hair is nappy. As in nap.py. As in if I didn't spend money on soothing gels and defrizzing sprays and moisturizing moisturizer I would have friends asking me to "come over Friday night cold chillin' with a 40 and a blunt". Which to readers without nappy hair means "Do you want to come over on Friday night and we'll leisurely drink a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor and smoke a marijuana cigarette". You dope?

So anyway, back to Salon Sara... She said this new hair color doesn't have ammonia in it (which I don't really care about but she seemed really excited about it so I acted excited too) and that after 5 uses it would actually take my hair back to "a virgin state". I never knew my hair had ever been a virgin but once I found out it wasn't a virgin anymore I started getting suspicious and wondering about the sneaky neighbor hair next door and trying to remember if I had ever seen him sneaking glances across the yard at my hair. If my hair gets knocked up there will be no end to my wrath...

Anyway, Sara was right. This new hair color is pretty awesome. It didn't smell and seriously left my hair feeling so smooth without any product! Let me say that again: left my hair feeling so smooth without any product. And that was just one coloring. I'm not certain but I don't even think my hair is a virgin again yet and it was smooth without any product! Sara styled my hair all up cute and puffy and put a sassy red flower barrette in and sent me on my way to stop traffic with my dead sexy hair. And stop traffic I did. At red lights people were motioning for me to roll down my window and then asking, "Is your hair a virgin?" "Almost" I would reply and then give them a knowing wink.

One last thing: if you see my hair out past 10:00 wearing red boots and too much lipstick you tell her to get her trampy self home and to stop walking the streets lookin' like she's just going to give it up to anybody. Sara and I have our work cut out for us but I'm determined to make my hair a virgin again.

9 comments:

imbrownie said...

Umm...as a husband of a wife who says her hair puts the "nappy" in "nappy", I totally resonated with the marijuana and liquor.

That sounds bad. Almost like I'm a doped up alcoholic.

Happy for your hair. Happy for the neighbor hair who got lucky.

Anonymous said...

I hope you not talking about this neighbor, I hope your talking about samarai.-melissa

Anonymous said...

Jen you are so funny. Thank you for the laugh this morning.

Jenny Carpenter

Christy said...

Hello....pictures!!

Amber said...

OOOHHHH....

My hair just got its virginity back earlier this year.

We were almost to knocked up status before MiracleWorker Meredith got her hands on it.

Enjoy virginity.

Tiffani said...

This is a GREAT post!!! My sweet friend, Amber, sent me over....I 'bout spit out my sweet tea a time or tea and then almost peed on myself laughing..so I guess that means you've thoroughly entertained me!!

SOO happy for renewed hair...maybe you should her a promise ring! ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh I am so excited! Super Sarah stopped by Bunco (which you are always invited to but are obviously too good for) and told me about said hair color. I have an appointment on Thursday. I could use a good reverginizing! --Heidi

Anonymous said...

Resist the urge to comment on my poor spelling and grammar. I had silly fingers and hit publish before checking it. Plus when you are making up words you can spell them however you want!

Annie said...

From the moment I met you, I knew that you were perfect for our family (and, frankly, exactly what we needed). I effing love you and your beautiful hair, nappy or no! And just when you think that your Jeff has lost all contact with his youth, tell me and I'll remind him of the parties I saw him at while visiting friends at OSU... talk about fo'ties and such!

Love you!