Friday, June 4, 2010

I Found My Password

Ok, so I didn't really lose my password...I'm just a total slacker.

And since today is FAQ Friday I'll make up a question that suits what I want to write about...

How's your vacation going?

Oh, thanks for asking. My vacation is going wonderful. I didn't realize how much I needed it.

I have this misconception that vacation equates big trip with daily activities that typically include a Disney character. As I've reflected these last few days I realize I have had this misconception and while a busy vacation is a wonderful get-away its typically not all that relaxing. This Montana trip has been SO relaxing.

More times than not, when we come out here Jeff has stayed home. Not because he hates my Mom or Montana but rather because we are coming for 2-3 weeks and he just doesn't have that kind of vacation time to just blow on one trip. So, Hot Jeff is out here with me (spreading his hotness to the friendly folks of the Big Sky Country) and so I don't have that pull of loving being here but really missing my husband. 2 words: huge release.

Another thing is I really underestimated how much recovery I would actually need after my little kidney stone incident. I've been surprised at some of the residual pain/discomfort I've had and how I have needed to take a pain pill or two and watch a movie on Mom's couch. Its been so nice to have the freedom to do that.

Lastly, as I shared very briefly and flippantly a few posts ago, my Shrink increased my depression/anxiety meds from 20mg to 40mg. As you may or may not know, any change in that kind of medicine typically takes 3-4 weeks for the effects to be felt. This week in Montana has been the 4th week and its has been astounding to me to see the change those extra 20mg have made in my heart and head.

Its interesting to me that God allowed my physical and emotional needs to culminate and come to a head simultaneously. During my time on the couch or sleeping in late I've reflected and in turn praised and thanked God for giving me this week of relaxation which has brought my body and heart restoration. I truly feel like "my old self' again and I know the Lord has used the power of medicine and science to bring healing from head to toe.

In the last few weeks of emotional struggle I have felt the El Roi (the God who sees me) so close to me. Not necessarily speaking in a booming voice and giving me "aha" moments every morning but more a of a quiet arm around my shoulders loving me and comforting me. I've felt His Presence reminding me that we all have seasons of silence and struggle, and in my case, even when all circumstances are going perfect and we don't even have a "reason" for sadness or strife. Sometimes the internal strife needs just as much attention as the external.

So that's my last week of internet quiet in a nutshell. Thanks for being patient. Thanks for your funny comments. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts day after day. Thanks for loving me through this online journal. I take full responsibility for your poor kids who most definitely haven't been prayed for all week long--poor babies.

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