The G Spot
How do I help my husband keep his ejaculation longer? He's great during foreplay but as soon as there is penetration he ejaculates; is there something he or I can do to make intercourse last longer?
Wanting More in Baltimore
Dear Wanting More,
Hold on to your knickers because I've got an answer for you but it's not for the faint of heart!
First of all, let me say that The G Spot does not endorse or approve of "sexual relations" outside the context of holy matrimony, you know the whole solemn vow before God and witnesses thing. The good Lord created the G spot (not referring to this blog feature) and I'm guessing that He hoped that you would find it and find it often but I haven't come across anywhere in the Bible where He talks about finding it with just any Joe on the street.
If you don't believe me, may I direct you to the Song of Solomon or as I like to call it, God's Guide to Getting It On. So, if you're experiencing this "problem" outside the context of holy matrimony, my advice to you is to quit shaggin' what you ought not be shaggin' and get yourself into a Bible study. If on the other hand you are trying to achieve a sort of sexual utopia with your hunky husband than I suggest you keep reading :)
Let me clarify your question a bit. I don't think that you want your husband's ejaculation to last longer because that would just be...well....a lot. I'm thinking that you're really hoping that he can stay a bit longer in that awesome state of arousal that comes before ejaculation. You are not alone and your husband isn't either. Seriously, about one third of men experience what you're describing which is called premature ejaculation. "Premature" doesn't mean that he has a little bitty baby penis, it means he gets the job done ahead of schedule and under his original bid. If you were working on a kitchen remodel that would be awesome but since you're probably working on that sometimes elusive female orgasm, it's what I like to call "no bueno".
Understand that while premature ejaculation is very common, it's not something that guys banter about in the locker room or on the links and it's likely to be a touchy subject for your husband. Be loving and sensitive to that and be sure to let him know that you're not dissatisfied and in fact are so excited about what he has to offer during foreplay that you'd like the good times to go on and on and on....Anyway, speaking of touchy, you've got to get comfortable with touchy because you're going to be doing a lot of it if you want to help your husband and believe me, you want to help your husband with this :)
You need to understand a little bit about the male sexual experience in order to better understand what's going on and your role in changing things for the better. The female sexual experience can be looked at as a rolling, gentle curve with valleys and peaks that get higher and higher and....well you know where I'm going....The male sexual experience can be looked at as a more boxy, linear line that goes straight up (no pun intended), turns to the right and then shoots off the chart. That turn to the right is called a plateau phase and it's the phase where your guy is fully aroused but has not yet experienced an orgasm or ejaculation. In your situation the plateau phase doesn't last as long as you'd like it to so you've got to help train your husband and his boys to stay in the plateau stage for as long as you need him to. Bake cookies or a pie, that always tends to make men stick around a little longer....Seriously, an easy training method is called the start and stop technique.
I know, you'd think this would be easy for guys since they are always starting a project or flipping to a new channel and then getting side tracked and leaving it for later but with sex, it's a whole different thing.....In order to use this training method you're going to have to go to that touchy place where you're comfortable putting your hands on your husband's penis. If you're not comfortable putting your hands on your husband's penis then I might have a whole other blog topic coming.....anyway....The idea of the start/stop technique is that you start manually stimulating the penis and bring your husband to a complete state of arousal, having him pay very close attention to when he is approaching what is commonly referred to as "the point of no return". Just as he is approaching the "point of no return", stop what you're doing and allow him to retreat from that place a bit which usually takes about 30 seconds. Start working your magic and once again bring your husband just to that brink. Initially you may only be able to do this once or twice before he has to "tap out" shall we say, but after several sessions over several days, you should find that you have successfully prolonged that plateau stage. You can then take the technique and apply it during a full body sexual encounter, changing positions or backing off just a bit as your husband approaches the point of no return if you're not right there with him. Over time, you will most likely find that your husband is able to keep a steady pace with you and the two of you can fall back onto the covers with your hair messed up and a glassy look in your eyes, just like the couple on those terribly tasteless personal lubricant commercials.
A word of caution: Don't approach your husband in a pair of coveralls and a tool belt or a drill sergeant's uniform and a whistle and inform him that you guys have some work to do and he and his boys are going to be whipped into shape in no time. If you must go the tool belt route, make sure that you aren't wearing anything else and if there needs to be a whistle, make sure it's a sort of cat call that let's your guy know that you think he's drop dead sexy. Use plenty of lubrication and bring a healthy sense of humor and remember that while you hold your husband's penis in your hand you hold all of his pride as well so ponder that....