Thursday, February 17, 2011

Just Call Me Lance

So as you know, Dr. College Ex-Boyfriend suggested I lay off the Boot Camp for a couple weeks to let my foot heal a bit and said instead I should try a spinning class, or as us out of shape folks say, a stationary bike.

When I told Samuel this morning I was going to go ride bikes with Auntie Shannon he freaked out a little bit thinking I was leaving the Y and that he would be at the kid center by himself. I told him no, its a bike that doesn't go anywhere. Samuel, in his cutest little voice said, "That doesn't make any sense. How do you get exercise on a bike that doesn't go anywhere?" Love that kid.

This being my first spinning class, Shannon graciously accompanied me although she is leaving for Hawaii in the morning. She reminded me of this later when half-way a painful "climb up a mountain" she looked at me and said "one hyphenated word: mai-tai." I hate her sometimes.

The spinning class pretty much sucked for a whole 50 minutes. Sucked in a good way, like the teacher is easy on the eyes, the playlist was rocking and it was an awesome work-out but oh wow does that class suck. Why didn't anyone tell me my cooter was going to hurt that bad? Why don't they just make those seats, or saddles as they call them, out of razor blades and get it over with? 10 minutes in and I started composing a letter to Hot Jeff in my head apologizing to him that we would never, ever, ever have sex again. I seriously do not see how putting a little cushion in to those saddles is going to make anyone's work-out less effective and maybe they would be a little more apt to go back if their butt bones weren't bruised after the class.

After a few sets of 8 counts up, 8 counts down, 4 counts up, 4 counts down, 2 counts up, 2 counts down we did ANOTHER freaking mountain climb, well the rest of the class did, I mostly sat and pedaled and wondered when were we going to get to the part in the class when the instructor told us to get off our bikes and walk it up the hill. It became very clear to me that's not how they roll in spinning class and I was going to just have to keep pedaling. Pedaling. Pedaling.

So here's the good news: I did not cry. I did not throw up. I did go buy a little Schwinn gel seat slip cover and I'm taking it with me to class tomorrow because I'll be darned if I'm not stick with this awful class just because of some sort butt bones. Although believe me, there is absolutely nothing I would rather do more tomorrow than sleep through my alarm that will be going off at 4:30am. I take that back; a butt and cooter transplant sounds pretty good right about now. What would that be called? 'Ginaplasty?


West said...

No one ever told you because you never asked me! I went to a spinning class once and stayed 40 minutes and thought I would die. A week later I went to the doctor because I was certain I had bruised my tailbone. She said it was deep muscle tissue. Last summer I went back again because friends were doing it. I stayed 15 minutes the first day, 20 the second and gradually increased my time so I didn't kill myself. I've gotten over my embarasment of leaving a class early so that I can come back the next time. LOL. I love your blog!

Kandi said...

Ummm... That was me, Kandi West. I guess I wasn't signed into my normal google account.

Jessica said...

Laughing out loud (as usual) over another fabulous post!

At The Picket Fence said...

My sides hurt I have laughed so hard over the letter to Jeff and the ginaplasty! I wonder if you could balance up on a pillow? Maybe bungie cord it to the seat? I think that's what I would try. lol


At The Picket Fence said...

Oh I'm gonna be sick!
"Ginaplasty"!!! I think I'm working off some calories just laughing at your posts! :-) I also think my sister has a good idea about bringing the pillow with you next time. That wouldn't be obvious or anything right? You could also just wear one of those industrial strength maxi pads for a little extra cushion...just a thought! :-)

A Vintage Vine said...

WOW, I have never tried it and now I'm scared to...but I totally support you....go girl! I'm visiting from At the Picket Fence, and they are right, you are funny...thanks for sharing!

Debbie said...

I just kept bursting into new little fits of laughter.

You are SO funny, and that would be the very reason that I don't do a spinning class. Gigging again.

I followed the marching orders of Vanessa and Heather to come here. I'm so glad that I did.

I absolutely LOVE to laugh, and you obviously love to MAKE people laugh. Sounds like a great combination to me.

Judy said...

That pretty much sounds like a spin class. You're funny. I linked over from At the Picket Fence. I am your latest follower. I would love if you would come and check out my blog and follow me back at

Christie said...

I am coming over from 'At the Picket Fence' Love those girls and figured if they love you so much I better stop by! This post is hilarious! My first spin class, no one told me to lower the seat, and it did not occur to me, so I could barely reach the petals! I am 5'4" and the person before me must have been 6 feet! I rode that bike like Mary Poppins out for a leisurely spin, but I was determined to stay on it...pride or what!! I never went back to that class!!! hee funny! i'll be back! Christie

Deidra said...

"...mai-tai..." Perfect. That's what friends are for. :)

(Visiting from The Picket Fence.)

Bluntforcemama said...

You're such a wonderful nut. I wish you lived closer, like next door.