The Mother Hen

Some May Call It Narcolepsy


Some may call the "condition" narcolepsy but I've just always considered it a gift; for the last 32 years I have been able to sleep under any condition, anywhere. True story.

In the early 90's I had a water bed (of course I did) and once Mom and I were draining it and it got towards the end of it and I had to roll the mattress up and kind of lay on it to keep the water all pushed up on the drain and I fell asleep in that position. Then there was the time I fell asleep at Disney World while leaning up against a park bench waiting for the tram that would take me to the parking lot. And then there are the countless car rides, flights, and train rides in India in which I slept soundly and peacefully as the miles passed beneath me.

I just love sleep and have never had any trouble falling asleep. When my body decided it was tired and my head decided it was a good time to give in and sleep I slept. Put my head back/down, closed my eyes and went to sleep. It was so Forrest Gump of me, "When I was hungry I ate and when I was tired I slept and when I had to, you know, I went".

Recently, like for the last 2 months or so, everything has changed. No matter how tired I am when I go to bed I CANNOT SLEEP. I lay there and toss and turn, kick off the blankets, pull on the blankets. Open the windown, shut the window. Lay on my side, lay on my stomach. Flip over to the other side and finally doze off just to wake up and look at the clock and see I've only been asleep for 45 minutes. Start the process over.

It is making me crazy.

2 weeks ago I had that ear canal infection and was prescribed pain pills that "could cause drowsiness". I was so pumped when I read that because I was all "wahoo, drugs! Now I'll sleep" and when I repeated that exact same phrase to Hot Jeff he was all "well enjoy Michael Jackson, can I get you some diprovan". And speaking of Michael Jackson I totally get it now how you can be so sleep deprived and so tired and so over laying there not being able to sleep that you call your personal physician and beg for sleeping pills.

Ok, back to my original thought: not even the hydrocodone made me sleep. Very disappointing. And just so I don't get a lot of emails from you telling me how addictive pain medication is and links to rehab centers in LA I'll let you know that I am not taking the hydrocodone anymore 1) because my ear doesn't hurt anymore and 2) because it didn't work anyway. I'm still not sleeping.

Neighbor Melissa suggested I am starting peri-menopause. Cousin Kristi suggested it is a common symptom of the PMDD we're pretty sure I suffer from. Hot Jeff said I should stop taking naps with the kids during the day (which I did and I still can't sleep). Mom suggested I drink a glass of wine before bed with 2 melatonin. :)

On a related note, last night was my first time in my own bed as we just got home from Montana and I actually slept awesome! I was super tired from the long drive and went to bed at 9 and slept until 6 when the midgets woke up. I have a feeling it was just a fluke deal though and I'm afraid my new friend imsomnia will be back tonight. Maybe not though. Maybe it will leave just as quickly as it came and that would totally rock my world. Maybe I'll just call my personal physician and see if he can bring me over some Ambien or Lunestra. And maybe after he knocks me on my arss with a sleep aid he'll clean my house.

Now we're talkin'!

*Baby Roo at 2 months old.