I suppose I'm not the only one who has ever been disillusioned by broken promises. Mine came from my dad a few days ago and try as I may I haven't been able to shake the disappointment.
My dad has never been a part of my life. He and Mom were never married and he pretty much split when it came time to take any responsibility. Due to my good relationship with his side of the family he's been "around", albeit indirectly and from a distance.
In the last 10 years he's attempted to be a bigger part, much to no avail. And although I have been reluctant, I have been willing but it always falls through because of his issues, is chemical dependency and his utter inability to keep his word.
Last week was no different. A random phone call asking to come over that evening for a quick visit. A time was set. He called minutes before that time to say he was running late. Then a half hour passed. An hour. Two hours. Three hours. After keeping my kids up past their bedtime and tired of looking at the clock we all went to bed.
4 days have passed. No phone call. No explanation. No excuse. Just another broken promise.
I won't even get into the range of emotions I have experienced over the last 4 days but will say I have landed on sad. Sad for him. Sad for me. Sad that I'm done trying and sad that he doesn't know how to love.
The night that it happened my sweet, sweet Shannon sent me a text that said, "Remember how much your heavenly Father loves you". In the last 4 days I have pulled that text up on my phone and read it countless times. I knew God was here with me but I couldn't hear him; I wasn't feeling silence per se, I just didn't hear a clear voice.
And it came in the funniest way.
Samuel's devotion tonight was about God keeping His promises. God spoke to me through a preschooler's devotion. My God is so cool.
God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)
And so when He says, He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds*, I believe it. I take that promise and wrap it around me like a blanket and I let it comfort me and soothe old wounds like a salve.
And when He says, A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling*, I claim it. I grasp my stake of hope and I pound it in to the ground of my heart.
Friends, I get your emails and I read your comments: I know I'm not the only one hurting. I'm not the only one who is disappointed. I'm not the only one who feels like they got taken. Again. So if you're reading this and you're ready to give in or give up: hold fast.
To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us
Please do not let go
I promise there is hope
Help is on the way
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast*
In my distress I called to the LORD;
I called out to my God.
From his temple He heard my voice;
my cry came to His ears.
2 Samuel 22:7
* Mercy Me's Hold Fast