Sunday, April 25, 2010

There Is No Way To Title This Post

Last night I was trying to fall asleep and was writing this post in my head, as I so often do. The one thing I kepy struggling with (until I hopped up, took a Tylenol PM and solved that problem) was what to title this post. I'm still not sure. So after you read it know that I'm opening it up for suggestions and the winner gets a $5 Starbucks card.

Yesterday was my Bestie Shannon's sexy photo shoot up in Portland. Our friend Valerie is a super fabulous and talented photographer and does a sophisticated photo shoot for women called "Little Black Book". Just in case you think Shannon has turned in to a big porn whore, you should totally go check out Valerie's website and see a sampling of the beautiful pictures she does. She transforms regular ol' women, wives, moms into supermodels and afterwards they feel beautiful, sexy, empowered and captivating. Shannon asked me to join her yesterday and it was such a fun experience.

First of all, the finished product, a leather bound black book of pictures is going to be an anniversary present for Shannon's husband Drew so mum is the word, got it? I'm pretty certain I have a huge following of attorneys down at the Attorney General's office where Drew works so I'd ask all of you to keep your mouths shut until after August.

The morning started off at a ritzy hotel in Portland and Valerie had hired a makeup artist to sex up spruce up the clients before their shoot. When we arrived, our sweet twenty something friend Emily was there getting the last finishing touches on her hair and makeup. Talk about red-hot sex bomb...oh my gosh--Emily is smokin' hot and gave me even more reasons to hate twenty somethings.

When it was Shannon's turn in the chair we got to meet the very adorable, very down to earth, very talented Jennifer Walker. She's a real life makeup artist and I was pretty sure Tom Bergeron was going to step out a closet at any given moment and tell Shannon she was going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Jennifer even had one of those tall director chairs for Shannon to sit in and good lighting. As Shannon sat, I pressed Jennifer for color tips and Shannon and I found out we're pretty much doing it all wrong. Shannon isn't supposed to wash her face with Cetaphil (I seriously thought real-life makeup artist Jennifer was going to need to be resuscitated when Shannon told her that. She went all silent and pale but we couldn't tell she was pale because she had such beautifully applied blush.) and I should stop doing my makeup in the car. She gave us some other helpful tips about moisturizing and so forth and then it was my turn to be shocked. And when I say "shocked" I am severely understating my emotion. It was more like the feeling you felt when one day your presumed dead uncle mysteriously showed up on a flight you were on and told you that not only was he alive but he is not your uncle but really your father and that he is responsible for the kidnapping of your husband who is wanted by the KGB for being a double agent spy. Yeah, it was more like that.

Are you sure you want to keep reading and hear what she told me?

She said I shouldn't wear dark lipsticks but more pinks.

I will stop and give you a moment to gather yourself.

Here all this time I thought I looked like this:

But perhaps I really looked more like this?

Don't you just hate it when that happens?


Valerie said...

OH.MY.WORD! You are hilarious, my friend! Seriously, so funny :) I'm afraid to know what she thinks about my red-lipstick addiction too...yikes!
Ha! What a fun day we glad you came and provided some fun comic relief. I had a blast with you ladies and feel so blessed to be mentioned in your blog!! I'm famous now!!! love ya sister ;)

Della said...

Say it isn't true. I look terrible in pink lipstick.
Your day sounds so fun.
I am still setting here in shock that you put secret information on your blog. That will be a miracle if someone doesn't tell Drew.
Are you going to stop wearing red lipstick?

Traci Piltz said...

I was there when you bought your very first tube of bright red lipstick, and you helped me choose a lovely neutral shade for myself. You were the one who taught me never to leave the house without lipstick. You are my lipstick sensei. You CANNOT straighten your hair AND start wearing pink lipstick. I won't even know you anymore.

P.S. I think that is my title submission: I Was Traci's Lipstick Sensei ...

Christy said...

OPI sells a lipstick called "Holy Pink Pagoda" and I think that should have been the title of this post.

Sounds like you guys had so much fun!!

Anonymous said...

"My Uncle the Spy, or How I Learned to Embrace Pink Lipstick"
I do have to tell you though that you and Meredith have this in common, in fact she says that she feels naked without lipstick... so you could call it "Me and My Twin Meredith"
- Cary

Anonymous said...

"Pretty in Pink, FOR REAL!!!" I love it Jen, just think, pink is the new red...

Hope all is well, and I so look forward to catching your blogs..

BTW, lotz of prayers for Thomas... He started drivers ed this week... yikes!

Love ya,

ehoff said...

Holy Swiss, I'm glowing right now! You are too stinkin' sweet!
Now, being that I am desperately addicted to Starbucks, I will attempt to submit a good title...
My Sexy Bestie And The Death Of Red

Anonymous said...

Wow, it sounds like you ladies had a blast! That Valerie Hibler is AMAZING!!! I wish I could have been with you all!!! Ok, my title entry is "Red is Dead"

Anonymous said...

Oh, that was me!----Heidi

Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh Heidi...that would be SO fun! I'm in.

Jennifer said...

Hi!! I love the post! Thank you for your sweet and funny words! You are quite the talented writer! It is not easy to write in a way that is captivating and funny at the same time :) I am a now a devoted follwer of your blog :) It was a pleasure meeting you!

Anonymous said...

ok, so what the hell am i supposed to wash my face with if i can't use cetaphil?????? i'm in big trouble! by the way, your lips always look lovely!! that's what this blog post should be called, " lovely lips"!
-bestie kim

Sara said...

I wanted to thank you for being a part of my first year of blogging! What a wonderful year it has been. I'm throwing a little party and as an honored guest, I would love for you to stop by and share a highlight of your year with all of us.

Cactus Happy,