The Mother Hen

Soap Opera Starlet AND Super-Hero

Why do kids act so crazy and naughty after being with a sitter? I don't get it. It doesn't matter if the "sitter" is an actual paid teenager, grandparents or my saint of a neighbor...when my kids get home they are like Satan in toddler clothes.

Yesterday was my favorite day of all favorite days: hair day. I got to go see my favorite people of all favorite people: Salon Sara and have her do whatever she pleases with me. I am the human version of Salon Sara's mood ring. If she's had a good game at soccer I get lighter brown, if she's feeling sassy I get red and if she's feeling pre-vacation I get a rich, deep black with violet strands mixed in like I got today. Its a stunning color--one of my favorites she's done. She called it "Level 3" which I think is salon talk for "darker than most people can go" but I'm calling it "Slutty Vixen" because that's what I look like: a really hot slutty vixen. I could totally be the bad girl in a soap opera.

So I come home from getting my hairgasm and I pick up Samuel and Emily from my saint of a neighbor's house and they are like, um what's the word in English? Oh yes, INSANE. Whining, crying, asking for food, screaming, hitting each other, demanding a movie, all at once and within 666 seconds of walking in to our front door. I stood in complete shock waiting for one or both of their heads to start spinning around and spewing pea soup or one of them to just collapse from a loss of air from all the screaming.

And somehow in the midst of the madness I pulled together my super-duper Mom powers and made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while putting a Veggie Tales movie on in 63 seconds flat. I didn't even have time to change in to my cape; that's how fast I was.

And then there was silence. And chewing. And the occasional hiccup from all the crying. But mostly silence as they watched the Tomato and Cucumber who quite possibly saved my children's lives today.

So now I'm just reveling in the quiet and wondering what Slutty Vixen would have done. I'm not sure but I bet tequila would have been involved.

Slutty Vixen is SO my new Superhero name.