Thirty-Three aka As One Foot In the Grave and Another On a Banana Peel
I know that really isn't true and 33 is young, vibrant and only the first third of my life but today it feels a little old because I found a grey hair. Gasp.
Hot Jeff is nearly half grey-haired but he is 40. And a man. And men look distinguished, not old, with grey hair. He's also blond so you can't even tell unless the sun is shining on it.
Normally I wouldn't even know if I had a grey hair or not because Salon Sara colors it for me but it just so happens I've gone a little long since my last color and have some pretty substantial grow out. In addition, it was a nice weekend and I was driving around with the sun roof open. And here's the ironic thing, while driving with the sun roof open I was listening to MJ's Pretty Young Thing. Go ahead, I'll give you a minute to mentally picture me driving around, feeling all hot and sassy with the music blaring and the sun roof open and to pee your pants laughing.
Ok, stop laughing...here comes the Greek tragedy: stopped at a light I look in the rearview mirror. I see a flash. I tilt my head. Another flash. I lower my glasses and look closer. It couldn't be. I pluck it out and inspect it closer as the cars behind me start to honk vehemently. Yes, it was a grey hair.
I sulked in to my seat and instead of driving home as planned I drove to Walmart where I bought some wrinkle cream.
I have come to terms with this butt. No matter how much weight I lose or gain I will always have this enormous fanny. I have realized, grieved and accepted that I will never get to have sex with Brad Pitt. There have been books written on the things I have accepted about getting older but grey hair and wrinkles are not things I am willing to accept. Especially not at 33.
My Mama, who is lovely and has the most beautiful black hair has decided to stop coloring and let it go grey. This is a decision I firmly and vocally disagree with but whatever, she can do whatever she wants. I on the other hand intend on coloring my hair until I'm too old to be coloring my hair and people start talking about me behind my back. My only hope is that as it goes greyer and becomes less dark I can finally go blond like I've always wanted to be. And maybe I'll get a boob job too. 80 year olds with boob jobs are so hot.