Thursday, June 24, 2010

I Got What I Deserved--I Hate It When That Happens

I want you to know I almost took Bex's advice and offered myself the reward of writing this blog post after I put the laundry away. And later this morning I would like to tell you that I will be waiting to apply sunless tanner until after I unload the dishes but that would be a lie. And while I do think Bex's idea has merit, I only read it like 5 minutes ago and so I feel like I need to let it sink in awhile. Like perhaps...all day.

I have a "when and then" saying with my kids. It goes like this, "When you ____________, then you may_____________." For example, "When you finish your dinner, then you may get down from the table". I think this is what Bex is telling me to do. Oh wise will make a fabulous mother to Fatty. I can just see her (with her flawless skin, stylish clothing and flowing blond hair), "Jen, when you finish you household chores, then you can blog". Of course I didn't hear a word she was saying because I was wondering where she got those shoes.

Ok, where was I...oh yes, I got what I deserved.

So you may have read on Facebook this weekend (and if you didn't then you should either friend me or stop blocking my posts) that I got a speeding ticket. A ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY DOLLAR SPEEDING TICKET. I think I'm going to start taking lactating vitamins and then pump and sell my breast milk to pay for it but that's neither here nor there. The thing about this ticket is that I deserved it. I was going 78 in a 60. (Lori DeBacker if you tell your husband that I will disown you. And if you don't' know who Lori is...Lori is my dear friend and her husband is my insurance agent. And former boss. But that's another story. That has to do with an evil woman who hated me for no good reason. But that's another story.)

So there I am, minding my own business on I-5 and traveling 78 mph hour in 60 mph zone when all of a sudden I got pulled over! And when he asked me if I had a reason for going 78 in a 60 I sheepishly said, "no". So he went back to his car and ran my plates and license, where he saw I have a clean-clean record for over 7+ years, and I sat in my car and prayed. I prayed fervently, "Oh Lord, please don't let me get a ticket. I'll never, ever speed again. Please, please, please don't let me get a ticket. Please let the officer have mercy and not give me a ticket. Please, please, please".

The officer came back to my window and gave me a ticket. And although I have said I would never be one of those women who cry when they get a ticket, I cried. Like a baby. Big, huge, crocodile tears fell from eyes and down my cheeks as he explained if I went to court on the appointed date the judge would see my record and most likely dismiss the ticket. More tears. And then a really slobbery, snotty, "I'm sorry I'm crying. I promise I'm not trying to manipulate you. I can't believe I'm crying". Oh how I would love to have his recording of that conversation. We could sit around and drink margaritas and laugh at what a buffoon I am.

As I drove off I thought about my earlier prayer and how God didn't answer it. I sort of smiled thinking how silly it was of me to pray to get out of what I really deserved. I broke the law but didn't have any remorse until it was time for me to face the consequence. Oh my though, when faced with the consequence I sure had a contrite heart!

If I'm being honest, I think I do that a lot. With my family, with my friends and especially with God. And here's the quirky thing: almost always I don't get what I deserve. When I'm pissy with my husband and he calls me out I say I'm sorry and we go on with our day. He doesn't get pissy in return. He doesn't read to me from 2 Corinthians about how love is kind. Nope, he just goes on loving me and not keeping a record of wrongs.

And oh my Heavenly Father...oh I haven't gotten what I deserve from Him. Max Lucado writes that if we never receive any other gift from God other than our eternal salvation that is enough for us to never cease praising Him, calling Him 'good' and thanking Him. I don't have the right to ask Him for anything else yet I do (because through the His Spirit and the blood shed of His Son He grants me access to Himself and even desires to hear my prayers). And day after day He pours blessings out on me, provides for me and my family in measurable and immeasurable ways and ever answers my prayers.

So there in my car, driving a smooth 60 mph, I thanked God for the ticket. Yes, I thanked God for the ticket because He could have reminded me to slow down through an awful accident but again, He was kind, gracious, slow to anger, compassionate, etc. etc. I thanked Him for the reminder that His grace isn't cheap and that His blessings aren't to be taken for granted. I thanked Him that, when it came to my heart and my salvation, I didn't get what I deserved.


A big hearty thank you to those of you who commented yesterday. I appreciate the great advice, blended with "don't sweat the small stuff" regarding the house. Jen R., thanks for the encouragement regarding God's work in my heart.

I have great readers!

1 comment:

Bex said...

Sheesh, I didn't mean to get all "Mom-like" on you! My bad! :-) Rewards are actually a pretty central theme in recovery and josh and I have really begun to utilize this tool to encourage positive habits and healthier choices in our own lives. We had a tendency to just hold our breath and get our crap done because "That's what adults do". But whenever we are changing out behavior, changing who we are becoming really, it's harder than it sounds. Rewards along the way have become gifts of sanity and hope, while we do the hard work of being healthy, whole and healed people. And, thanks for the compliment about being Fatty's mother. I cannot wait for that! SUCKS about your speeding ticket!! booooo!