Today I Even Surprised Myself
I shock others regularly. Pretty much daily. And every few minutes on Thursdays while at Bible Study but today I even surprised myself. I was putting the kids in the car, buckling them in their (car)seats and I thought to myself, "I can't wait until they are old enough to buckle themselves in".
And just as soon as I thought it I gasped and "took it back". With one lazy thought I wished away several years of learning, firsts, snuggles and laughs. If I would have had a magic wishbone in front of me I would have sacrificed so much because I don't like the inconvenience of having to leave a few minutes early so that I have time to buckle both of my kiddos in. All of a sudden they would be 5 and 7 and who knows the joys I would have missed out on and I would have stood standing there, looking at them wistfully, wishing I could "take it back".
One thing I always do after I snap their buckles is kiss them. Its my little thing and no matter how annoyed I am with their putzing around they can always count on me smacking their little lips with mine before I shut their doors--why would I want to hurry those years up? I don't know...
I did get to wondering though, how much of my day is spent "wishing" instead of living? If I'm being honest, I think its a pretty substantial amount.
I look in the mirror and wish I was prettier or smaller or younger. I look at my house and wish I was more organized. I look at my husband and wish he was more romantic. I think about my Mom and wish she lived closer. I think about Ames and wish she was my neighbor. I think about Shannon and wish she still worked with Maryanne and me. I look at my ministry at Hearts and wish I had more time. I look at my time and wish I was better at managing it. I look at my checkbook and wish it had more in it. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Instead of living in the moment, enjoying the body I have, the home I live in, the life I have I tend to think ahead (or sometimes I think back).
This just came to me today so I haven't had any time to pray about it and ask God to show me some things in Scripture about it but I'm wondering what you do to keep yourself grounded in today? In the moment?
6 comments:
I also kiss Finn every time I snap him in.
Right after I had Finn, my neighbor came and visited. I was nursing and she was rubbing his head and she said, "You know, I wished my boys' childhood away. I was always wishing for the next phase instead of enjoying the one I was in."
I think about that statement a lot and am trying to be intentional about enjoying the moment. It's hard, though, because I think we have this false vision that it will get easier, but it won't. The problems and concerns will just be different ones.
Thanks for your post.
Loved this post - well said. :)
I often found myself wishing away Harry's childhood, but for some reason, I'm more grounded with Wills. Maybe it's because he's the second child and there so many years between them that there is a huge difference: a gap where neither child overlaps.
Then again, Harry is in this stage where he throws a fit every time we have to transition. I really can't wait until he outgrows that. ;-)
It's very difficult to "be here now," as the Buddhists say. This is something that I struggle with daily -- I don't want to miss out on her young years, but I have to work and grade and write papers and make dinner and deal with my real estate agent and make appointments and take care of the pets, and all of her cute prattling does not help me to accomplish all of these ridiculous things. I'm trying. I'm trying harder everyday.
I feel I have struggled with this since graduating college and being in the steady state of Tobin's schooling/residency. I just keep wishing it to be done. I think the best days that I do realize I am blessed by what God gives me is those that I start my morning out purposefully giving that day to Christ, before I even step out of bed. Or the other days are when I fail miserably, complain, and then later realize God still has got me, has a plan, and wants me to enjoy THIS moment. I don't think I'll ever "arrive" at always enjoying the present, but I hope that with each lesson, I might remember just a little more and complain a little less.
Loved this post, but I have to say that if I had a wish, you'd be my neighbor, too. :) And there'd be a lot more pecan pie and Golden Girls in your life, and a lot less Boot Camp! :) XOXO
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