Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bitter Beer Face

Can I just tell you how bitter I am? I am so bitter. Every woman in America is watching the Grey's Anatomy season premiere AT THIS VERY MOMENT and I am writing on this stupid blog. I am writing how Hot Jeff and I got all holier-than-thou and dumped our TV and oh-aren't-we-wonderful-parents and we-are-going-to-churn-our-own-butter-and-our-kids-will-be-so-smart-because-they-don't-watch-TV and it seemed like such a good idea in the Summer and it sounded ideal when JANA AVISON lied to me and told me I could stream TV live and now I can't breathe and somebody please come over and here and put me out of my misery because I have to wait until 2:00 TOMORROW to find out how Izzie is doing and why Derek is taking the Chief's job and what is going on with Owen and ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

At what point when you read we were going Little House on the Prairie on you did you realize that in just a few short months I would be blogging instead of watching Grey's live? And why didn't you come over here and throw yourself in front of the cable box I was disconnecting and tell me that only over YOUR DEAD BODY would you let me disconnect the ONE SOURCE for me to watch the Grey's Anatomy premiere on September 24th?

Upon reading my freak out session on Facebook a friend wrote "Oh Jen, I love your candor. You are so relatable". You know who you are MIA WHITE and for the love of everything holy why didn't you drive over here pick me up and take me to your home to watch it? BETH ARMSTRONG--you are right next door. Can't you hear the screeching? Do you not see the emergency vehicles arriving at my home to give me CPR and pull my gnarled fingers from Jeff's neck? For the record Beth, I was going to march on over there and make you let me watch it but Jeff told me that was "tacky". Tacky? Clearly Jeff hasn't lost all ability to reason like I have because AT THIS VERY MOMENT people across America are watching Izzie stroke George's dead hand as a tear trickles down her cancer stricken, just coded, back from the dead face.

So let me be clear: I hate all of you right now.

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I can't even think clearly enough to write about Samuel's first day of preschool but I will say this: he had a great time and tonight at dinner we got our first preschool lesson. "Mrs. Watson says at snack time we have to sit with our belly to the table". We all sat up straight and pushed our bellies to the table. Well except Roo whose belly is too big. She managed to give us her trademark phrase though, "I'm Buzz" (as in Buzz Lightyear).

No, we are not sending Samuel to some ghetto preschool whose sign is all jacked up. I just blocked out the name on his school so my Mom wouldn't freak out and start sending me emails about pedophiles again.

6 comments:

Amber said...

Honey...I didn't know you back in your "Going All Little House" days...but if I had...I would have talked you off the ledge.

And you coulda hopped a plane and watched Greys with me last night.

Tiffani said...

I came over at the suggestion of my bestie over there to the left, Miss Amber.

This was hysterical, but of course, not to you and I so get it...cause I literally threatened lives and shackled family members to their beds to not be interrupted by anyone!! :)

Nice to meet you and maybe you be reunited w/ all things TV soon...

kim said...

just so you don't feel left out, but i didn't watch it either!

jana said...

Just to clear the record, I'm fairly certain I never said LIVE because I know that they always post it a few hours after it is over. I can check back through our emails if you really don't believe me :)I think you heard what you wanted to hear.

We could have weekly Grey's parties. Put the kids to bed, leave them with Jeff and come on over. We can drink red wine (well, I can't for another 5+ months). We could do that because I didn't get rid of my TV :)

Emily Hoffhines said...

At least you get to watch it!! I only have Internet access on my phone, and tv shows are no-goes. AND I don't have tv. I missed practically the entire second half of last season too. Prairie days are hard...

Dena said...

hahahahahah, great post!!!! :o) you can SO come over to my house and watch TV ANYTIME! i'll even make you snacks. who's izzie?